Thursday, December 13, 2018

Do men miss nylons?

So as I've discussed before (like many of us), I'm a member on fetlife.  So there's this one dude in my area that keeps making the same post in our group, that he'd like to worship a transgender girl's legs covered in nylons.  I didn't think much of it, I mean everyone has their favorite body part.  Some like boobs, some like asses, some like legs.  Then I get a friend request from a totally different person, and in his profile he says he's looking for a pantyhose princess.  More specifically, he likes sheer hose (no fishnets), no panties.. a skirt and some nice heels.  Now I'll admit, I do LOVE a nice looking pair of legs with hose and heels.  But from my perspective it's a bit different since I do dress up from time to time and can fulfill that need.

So is this a growing trend?  Both users are in their late 40's (so they would have grown up in the 80s when hosiery, skirts and heels were everywhere).  I think many men miss this look.  You look at how most women are dressed, it's yoga pants and sneakers if it's casual.  If it's business it's probably pants/blouse and low heeled shoes.

For the record, I think being with a straight man is weird enough.  Having someone worship my legs would feel a bit weirder somehow.  While I get the objectifying aspect, it seems double fold when they are seeking a transgender, and also want to focus on a specific body part.

Saturday, November 10, 2018

self suck dream

Had the most vivid dream last night that I was home alone (wife was out somewhere).  I decided to try self sucking again knowing there was no way I was going to reach, and to my surprise (in my dream) I bent down easily and was able to comfortably go all the way down almost as if my back just hinged.  Dream lasted a while too because I remember getting hard, and feeling my cock in my mouth, and gagging, but not climaxing.. getting soft again, lying on my back, lying on my side.

I don't know what the dream was supposed to mean, but it was a lot of fun.

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Aliexpress - not worth it

So made an order about a month ago.  Items slowly came in.  Now unlike ebay (where they attempt to convert sizes and be honest), aliexpress is so confusing.  So took a chance on 3 items:

1. Couple pairs of hosiery
2. Couple pairs of leggings
3. Pair of heels

Now to start off, hosiery.  Now I specifically ordered "plus size" thinking I'll have no problem fitting right?  Well they made them big enough, but they were SO short.  I know heights can vary, but I've never had an issue stretching them to fit me.
https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Women-Tights-Plus-Size-Sexy-Stockings-Female-Pantyhose-Nylon-Fishnet-Sheer-Collant-Femme-Meia-Calcetines-Mujer/32849254645.html?spm=a2g0s.9042311.0.0.3da24c4d2V1jIg

Next, the leggings.  Now keep in mind I CANNOT find these for sale anywhere else.  I can find faux jean leggings (sorta), none of them have flower prints on them.  I won't say I can't get them on, but they are really tight (but at least they are tall enough).  Still on the fence about keeping them.  Now granted they say 65cm waist width (which would be 25.5"), but I assume that meant like across, not the circumference.  But then it also says 95cm relaxed?  What the hell is the difference?
https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Fashion-Slim-Women-Spring-Summer-Leggings-Faux-Denim-Jeans-Leggings-Long-Floral-Printing-Casual-Pencil-Pants/32847324474.html?spm=a2g0s.9042311.0.0.3da24c4d2V1jIg


Finally, the shoes.  They have a really big selection of heels, especially "large" ones.  So I found this pair:
https://www.aliexpress.com/item/2017New-Ladies-Shoes-Gladiator-Sandals-Women-Big-Size-48-49-50-Sandals-Ladies-Party-Wedding-Shoes/32799421026.html?spm=a2g0s.9042311.0.0.3da24c4d2V1jIg

I ordered size 17, thinking that would be US size.. Nope.  If you go the chart, 17 = 44.5 euro, which if you back convert is like a size 10.5 mens.  I wear a size 14-15 mens, so of course these didn't come close to fitting me.  The largest size they carry is 20, which compares to about a 12.5.

Bottom line, don't get enticed by their low prices and cheap or free shipping unless you are really small and willing to take the risk of things fitting.


Monday, July 2, 2018

2 good drag videos

So this first one is just an amazing transformation.
https://youtu.be/h-HdwkQwD2E

To go from this:


To this:


Is just crazy.

In this 2nd video, he makes a pretty cute looking girl.. But the video is actually sort of entertaining.  Getting reactions from people, and just screwing around the mall.
https://youtu.be/XXxeF4J8cmI


 

Part one has some good moments too, reactions from random people on an app called monkey, and his roommates
https://youtu.be/XAoBCz8Hwmk?t=293

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Deepfake

You may or may not have heard of this technology.  Basically using algorithms, computers can now take face tracking from an existing video, and control the likeness of another person almost like a digital puppet.  It's been somewhat archaic for a while (it still has it's glitches), but it keeps getting better.  Best way I can describe it is comparing it to the Snapchat app where you put someone else's face on your own.  Well here's what they are presenting as the latest software at sighgraph:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qc5P2bvfl44

Few things to note:
1. The self cleaning is getting really good, it's very difficult to tell it's being faked if processed well
2. The ability to actually move the head in realtime almost like a 3D model is impressive
3. There's a few concepts where a man is controlling a woman's face.  I don't know if this is post-processed or realtime, but the idea of having a realistic woman's face (perhaps even body) on a HD
screen where it's almost like a magic mirror is very interesting.

4. There's a thing that's been going on for about the past year which is fake porn, and it's crazy how real it looks.  I have mixed feelings about this.  On one hand, celebrities are sort of on a chopping block to be mocked, judged, etc.  It also fulfills a fantasy that perhaps many men have (note how many of them are of emma watson).   Do they deserve to have fake porn of them on the internet?  probably not.

If you're interesting I'm sure you can google it for yourself.  Here's one of the better ones I've seen, Katy Perry:
https://www.xnxx.com/video-l1x9n5c/katy_perry_deepfake_having_fun_doggy_rides

Why do I bring this up at all?  Well, I'm twisting this fantasy a bit.  While most guys would imagine themselves having sex with a celebrity, I'm imagining that the medallion of zulo exists, and I obtained a piece of clothing from a celebrity to turn myself into them.

Petite is my most desired form

I'm sure I'm not alone in this.  If I had a choice of any female body type to be, it would be very short (which is the complete opposite of what I am now).  Could it be that much like super femme female is the complete opposite of a manly man?  Could it be that a small girl is thought of as weak or easily overpowered, and most men who are typically in charge fantasize about being submissive?

Reason I bring this up, there's a co-worker who is REALLY short and cute that occasionally stops by our department.  I don't know what nationality she is, perhaps spanish but if I could describe her imagine taking ariana grande (who's pretty short at 5 feet even), then making her even shorter.  Seriously like this girl can't be taller than 4' 4" tall.  So today I'm coming back from lunch, and she's walking to our front door at the exact same time.  I look at our reflection in the glass door and I can visually see how crazy different we are in height.  All I could think about is how badly I wanted to jump into her body.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Payless shoes = dysphoria, and not the good kind

So I've been a little frustrated with shoe buying this past year (male, not female).  Payless stores started closing, and I was paying between $30-$40 for shoes that don't last.  Now granted I'm a big person, and I don't have high expectations for shoes in that price range.  However, it's not like I'm working construction.  We are talking about dress shoes that see maybe 2-3k steps per day, and almost always the seam between the sole and the upper half starts to split, and no amount of glueing keeps them together.  So for the past maybe 9 months I've been buying my shoes on Amazon.  I figure if I'm going to pay that range, I might as well get a "little" better quality, and have them shipped directly to my house for free and pay minimal tax.  The first 2 pair worked out decently, maybe lasted a little longer.  Comfortable, about what I expected.  Well I tried a different pair this last time, and they fit like crap.  I assumed they just needed to break in, nope.  Month later I couldn't take it, I bought those Dr Schol's inserts, still hurt.  It's not the bottom of my feet but my toes.  Between getting pinched from the sides, and having too much space in the wrong areas (which means my toes are rubbing all day) it feels like knives stabbing my toes by the end of the day (I literally have red marks).  Wearing double socks sort of helps, but only marginally and I think it's ridiculous to go to that extreme.

So yesterday I look around my local grocery store, yea nope nothing past a size 13. Today I stop at a famous footwear, yea nope a few 13's, maybe one pair of 14's I'm not interested in.  So I bite my tongue and go back to payless.  First off, this store is incredibly cruel to someone like me.  I'd say easily 85% of the store is geared toward women, the men's shoes is like half of one side of an aisle.  They have a couple pairs that sort of fit, I end up going with what look more like a sneaker but they are ALL black so I'm hoping I can pull it off at work even though they aren't technically dress shoes.

Here's where I fall into a depression, a woman starts browsing around for shoes, and just happens to be looking around my section.  All I could think about in my mind is how lucky she is to have small feet and can literally buy a shoe based on what it looks like, not go "what shoes do you have my size in?".  And I'm talking about mens shoes, I'm not even talking about women's shoes.  Pheh, I'm lucky I can find women's shoes online in my size.

Friday, May 11, 2018

Projection daydreaming

I might have talked about this before.. For example if there's a female driving the same car you're driving (or used to drive), you fantasize that you're that girl behind the wheel, and it feels real because you can easily picture yourself as the girl since the car is familiar.  This popped into my head the other day.  A vendor was visiting the office, not a bad looking woman.  After she was done talking to me, I suggested she go talk to the manager that sits in an office just outside my cubicle.  He has a giant window in his office, so you can easily see who's visiting him.  When I got up to get coffee she was still in there talking to him, and it hit me.  I've stood in that spot many times, what if I was her.  It was really fun imagining I was her.

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

nails nails nails

So I ordered like 4-6 sets of french manicure nails off ebay (slow boat from china).  They will probably be a little flimsy like the last ones I wore, but they look decent for the cheap price they are ($1.50 shipped).

So though I do have lots of other nail sets still (red, deep wine, rainbow), I also have a bag of plain white nails I got a good price on as well.  It was 600 nails for $2.68 shipped.
https://www.ebay.com/itm/600pcs-Round-Short-Nail-Salon-Full-Cover-False-French-Manicure-Tips-Fake-Nails/222637113797?epid=2234050250&hash=item33d634c1c5:m:mxuA_gNGG--CN3pjm0dREqQ

I'm guessing because I only use 5 of those sizes, assume that gets cut in half.  Still, 30 sets of nails for that price?  That means each nail set only costs 9 cents, or just under a penny per nail.  Now obviously you wouldn't want to wear them like this, but polish is cheap (and I have some), and it's probably good practice I paint my own nails.  Decided to put the thumb on tonight and try my luck.  I tried to do my own french nail, but when you drag the brush along slowly you get a horrible surface finish because you're dragging paint that has started to dry.  I decided to start over and simply put on about 3 coats of light pink polish over the whole nail, came out pretty decent with some shine

Monday, April 30, 2018

extended crossdressing = dysphoria

Finally took my nails off Sunday night after I broke 2 more off and figured it was a good time to remove them.  I could have glued them back on, but then that glue would be fresh and harder to take off later.  As with most crossdressing, especially extended periods of time, when you do go through de-dressing it feels just as weird to have those things removed after getting used to them.

I had a pretty normal day at work, which is to say I kept very busy.  I did have a few small moments of "what clothes would I wear to pass if I did go all the way and crossdress in public".  On the drive home about halfway the dysphoria hit me hard since I had that memory of driving around Saturday with nails.  The feeling of wanting long nails really hit me.  I did need to stop at the store, the same store I had long nails on Saturday.  I couldn't help but reflect on how I felt just 2 days ago.  I decided I would use this stop to do some people watching, women to be specific.  I wanted to really focus on what the typical woman wore, not what I envision what I would want to wear.  For the most part I saw:
* sneakers, flats, or sandals (not a single heel)
* yoga pants, shorts, jeans, or pants if they were stopping on the way home like me (not a single skirt)
* blouses or tshirt tops (not a single dress, NONE)

I didn't check for nails, I didn't want to focus so much that I looked like a creeper.  Speaking of which another thought, during a morning meeting one of the females in the office joined us, and I couldn't help focus on her nails.  She always keeps them manicured, long and painted.  I couldn't help but get jealous that she gets to wear her nails without anyone blinking an eye.

Sunday, April 29, 2018

baby steps part 2

So I decided to push my luck yesterday and go to the local grocery store.  This was definitely a different experience because I was surrounded by people.  I hid my hands in my coat on the way in, then grabbed a cart and hugged the sides so really only my thumbs were showing.  I couldn't hide my nails when I went to grab things to put in my cart.  I was in there for probably a good 20 minutes grabbing things, starting to feel more comfortable.  Then it was time to checkout.  For sure I would be exposing my hands as I loaded things onto the conveyor.  Don't think anyone really noticed as the cashier was focused on the customers ahead of me.  Then more customers came up behind me, it was a large spanish family that was pretty pushy about checking out.  I don't think it was just because I was hyper focused either.  Just then I saw a coworker walk by the checkouts in the corner of my eye.  This is probably everyone's nightmare, especially in my case.  If I was fully dressed, it's fully possible someone wouldn't recognize me at all.  Being my male self with long nails, completely different situation.  I didn't make eye contact so he didn't see me.  I was almost thankful things timed out the way they did.  If that family wasn't behind me, he could have easily decided to come to the same checkout.  Weird thing is he's the last person I'd expect to run into.  He used to live in the area, but he moved to another town which means going to this store wouldn't be anywhere nearly convenient.  Wonder if he was visiting friends in the area.

Saturday, April 28, 2018

baby steps

I've really been getting into crossdressing as of late.  Researching and buying things that can make me more female (visual or feeling).  Probably my favorite thing I love wearing (even if they sometimes make it difficult to do certain tasks like typing) is wearing false nails.  It's probably the one thing that is undoubtedly feminine.  Last night I decided to wear my french nails thinking "I'm not likely going anywhere this weekend".  Well that was until I realized I did have a package to ship the next day.  Now I could have taken my nails off but I was like you know what?  No, I'm going to do it.  I'm going to go out in the world with french nails on while in boy mode, what's the worst that could happen?  I grabbed my box and headed out to the car.  I sat for about 30 seconds staring at my hands on the steering wheel realizing this was still hard to go through with this, but what was my alternative?  Spend time taking off my nails and risking the post office closing before I got it shipped out?  Nope, I was doing it.


While driving I felt very sub-conscience, not wanting to put my hands up too high so the person next to me couldn't see.  I wasn't even sure if I wanted to pickup my coffee and take a drink because you know, nails.  As I drove and realized people really weren't paying attention to me I got more comfortable and started to not care.  I got to the post office and headed in.  Being that it was 10 minutes before closing there was almost nobody there except last minute people like me shipping something before they closed.  I walked right up to the kiosk to make my own label, clicked through the touchscreen, then reached into my back pocket to grab my wallet and wouldn't you know it, a nail fell off.  I sort of freaked out, but nobody was around so I calmly bent down and picked up my nail off the floor.  I finished my task at hand, then dropped it in the box.  Walking out there was a giant pickup pulling out that nearly ran me over, so I had to stop while he figured out how to backup.  The whole time standing there I'm feeling anxious because it could have very well been some hic wondering why I was standing next to his truck only for him to notice my hands.  I got back to my car and headed home.  My original plan was if this went well to stop at a grocery store, but seeing how I was already down a nail I decided to quit while I was ahead.

Can't say I'm surprised how well it went.  I mean I'm as much of a boy as they come so my nails were certainly a bit out of place.  Maybe people are more focused on their own life than I realized.




Thursday, April 26, 2018

Men suck, no wonder why I don't care to be one

So let's start this off by talking about the obvious elephant in the room.  While so many celebrities have hit the news this past year accused, or have come out talking about how they abused women in some way, the biggest story was always Cosby.  Having been accused by 40 women of him slipping them a rape drug (his spanish fly track on his comedy album isn't so funny anymore), he's probably the most watched case.  It was a real blow when his first round of court ended without conviction and was effectively "free".  Well today he was finally convicted on three counts of sexual assualt and could face up to 10 years for each.  He can obviously appeal, but it doesn't look good for him.  He will effectively spend the rest of his life in prison at age 80.

So rewind to last Friday.  My parents divorced when I was about 12 years old.  I didn't either parent more, but I chose my Dad not because I loved him more but really because that choice meant I wouldn't be moving away.  I have vague memories of their fighting, nothing I could describe in detail at this point.  I was visiting my Mom because she isn't very good with shopping online.  Somehow we had gotten on the subject of Religion and I had said I believed in a God, but I hadn't attended church since I moved out.  I believed in treating others how I'd want to be treated which I think everyone should follow.  Also talked about how judging most religion was and the bible is filled with horrific things like saying it was ok to own slaves, beat slaves, not to mention how beating your wife was accepted because they were the lesser gender.  Then she began to go into detail about how much she suffered while married to my Dad.  That he would want to specifically have sex while she was on her period, enema sex (I had no idea that was a thing), that he rarely reciprocated and even when he did she never once had an orgasm.  She complained how he left lights on and the television on every night when they went to bed which means she never got very good sleep.  He never let her make any of the household decisions, kept hidden bank accounts from her.  Once when we were kids he disappeared for 2 days with no phone calls, left her without a car, and claimed to be at his mother's which was a lie (she thinks he was cheating on her).  Lastly she talked about how the time when they got into an argument he pushed her into the stove and she was sore for 3 weeks.  She also was going to school at the time, and couldn't miss school so she had to go while injured.  I do remember that moment in my life, and how pissed I was at my Dad watching her cry sitting on the kitchen floor for a good hour.  Now I've had arguments with my wife, sometimes shouting, but I have NEVER touched her.  I've pounded walls, I've walked away, but I would never hurt a woman (probably because of what I saw my dad do).

So what's the point of all this dribble?  Most men are jerks, filled with testosterone (I hate when I lose control of my anger which I'm sure is contributed by that hormone), and many think they are superior and can get away with whatever they want.  Women are for the most part civilized, clear thinking, and non-abusive.  Perfect example is watch "orange is the new black" for a few episodes.  You'll see arguments, maybe some pushing, but you don't see any physical fighting (and certainly no killing).  I don't know how close this is to real life, but I'm guessing it's somewhat accurate.

Trump Potato farm lady?

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

ordered a breast plate, it's already here!

I've been wanting one ever since I saw early episodes of drag race.  I remember looking them up and seeing $500 price tags (which you will still see today on many websites).  Well thanks to places like ebay they eliminate the middle man (and middle woman).  I looked around for a while, and finally decided to not risk paying $130 to China in case I didn't like it, didn't fit, etc.  I paid $160 to someone in Kentucky and it just came today.

So first off, the package was slightly damaged (my UPS warehouse SUCKS!  They are constantly ruining packages and no amount of complaining ever seems to make an impact).  It wasn't damaged per say, but there was a little bit of dirt at the very bottom that I was able to mostly get rid of.  So I took it out of the box, and tried it on.  At first I just hooked the loops straight over each shoulder because I wasn't sure it would stretch across my back to the opposite side.  I quickly realized while this probably fit better, it ended up sliding because there was no side tension.  So then I went to criss-crossing, and it was a constant struggle to keep the velcro fastened.  Silicone is very stretchy, but even it has it's limit.  So I think my next step is to modify it by replacing the crappy hook and loop velcro with the dual locking kind (plastic mushrooms on both sides).  It holds way tighter, you often see people use them to hold radar detectors and toll passes in cars.  With a stronger hold, plus perhaps cutting the strip long to extend the straps a little I think it will fit much better.  So here's what my chest looks like:
Now obviously there is a visible line where the silicone ends, and my real skin starts.  I was hoping this top would align just right but it's a little low (perhaps I could convince someone to use this as a pattern and make a new one?).  That or I have to basically wear a very wide necklace to hide it.  Now as far as it feels, it feels wonderful!  I would compare it to the first time I put on a dress, it's a completely new female feeling.  The weight hanging down, the boobs pushing my shirt away from my chest, seeing that cleavage view when I look down, feeling the bounceback when I walk up stairs or jump.  It's the feeling I've missed out all my life.

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Dysphoria last night

I've been pretty stressed lately.. My wife's job is on edge, my job is secure but my projects are requiring a lot of my time (and overtime) and focus, top that with a side business I run from my home.  My wife went to bed early (as she is tonight which is why I decided to blog), and earlier we had done a little bit of light purging (garbage or sell on ebay).  I'm selling a few purses, and a pair of 5" heels that have been sitting in the closet for probably the past nearly 2 decades worn only once.  My wife has always been overweight, so heels and her don't get along.  I think I bought them at one point thinking even if she didn't walk in them, she could maybe at least wear them in bed to spice things up.  Clearly she wasn't on the same page (and we wonder why my dysphoria gets so bad sometimes).  I truly think that if my wife wore things that I enjoy seeing, I wouldn't get so pushed into having to wear it myself.  I know that sounds really selfish, but think about how my brain works.  I truly enjoy the female form and all the things they get to wear, and I don't even get to see it unless I put on the heels and nylons (or makeup for that matter).  Yes, I've talked before how my wife is a tomboy, and 90% I'm perfectly happy with that, but it would sure be nice to see her dress up too.

Anyway, so after she went to bed, I had discovered an old wig I hadn't worn in a long time buried, so I grabbed it and put it on when I got back downstairs.  Then I decided to fire up a game called fortnite (massively multiplayer shooting game that resembles hunger games).  This was my first time playing, and I had not realized that when you're a newbie it starts you out as a girl (as you rank you get to be a dude), but sometimes it switches back to a different strong female even as you rank up.  Well this struck a chord with me because all my life playing video games I favored female characters.  Chun-li on street fighter, Orchid on Killer Instinct.. Ok I did favor sub-zero on mortal kombat, but that's only because the female characters usually sucked.  Many gamers claim they like playing the female characters because they don't want to stare at a dude while they're playing.  I know I play the females because I'd rather picture my character female.

All day today I had a hard time concentrating on work, instead fantasizing about dressing up, about writing fiction stories, about if I was a millionaire I would probably spend most of my time creating male to female transformation videos, or maybe even prank MTF videos where dudes wake up in women's clothing.  The more I thought about this today, the more I realize I really need to embrace my female size in whatever way possible.  Whether that means wearing female clothing under my male clothing at work, whether that means crossdressing when I get home (even if it's something quick thrown on).  I feel like many people (including myself) feel like it has to be all or nothing, and I'd like to toss that theory out.  Even if I'm wearing my male clothes but toss on a wig, or maybe I just put on some nails, or a pair of earrings.. Anything that can connect to my inner female could help soothe my soul.


Women not in heels

This topic seems to be a looping topic amongst crossdressers.  I did not live in the era of women dressing proper, any more than when all men wore suits and derby hats 95% of the time (unless they were working on a dirty job, and even then they would probably still have a suit but have their sleeves rolled up).  I was born in the mid 70's, so the most exposure I got to heels was seeing my mom's low cut 2-3" clunky heels in her closet she rarely wore.  I'm assuming she did regularly at one time, but didn't get rid of them because she might wear them on a special occasion.

Not really sure why I decided to suddenly start tracking this, but I did.  I know that when I'm traveling and I'm walking through an airport I notice heels IMMEDIATELY.  Why?  Because it's a rarity (an airport which is the last place I'd expect someone to wear heels seeing how much walking you do).  And when you do see a pair of heels, they aren't usually clunky or less than 3".  They are typically sharp stilletto and 5", or some style that just screams "look at me", "I have great legs", or "I'm a street walker but even prostitutes sometimes take a vacation".  This is not a dig at women that wear heels, this is more a reflection of what our society has become.  Seriously start looking at women's feet in a typical setting.  At work, at the store, at the coffee house.  Unless they are in a high end career like a lawyer or doctor and on their way to work, I guarantee they will be wearing either sneakers, ugg boots, crocs, or low flats.  Can I blame them for wanting to be comfortable?  Not really, but I'd say 95% of women probably only wear heels to church, funerals or weddings (and even then it's debatable).

Why do I even bring this up?  Well, because crossdressers like heels.  If they are more feminine than the women they are impersonating, they are no longer impersonators but more of an omage to what they think women should look like.  This does not bode well for blending in.  So if I'm trying to blend, surely I should just buy what they buy right?  Well not to beat a dead horse, but I don't really have that option.  I have size 14-15 mens shoe size, which means 16-17 women's shoes.  They do not make women's crocs or sneakers in that size.  Flats I "might" be able to find but not likely.  No my choice is typically 3-5" heels, 90% made by the same company (Pleaser).  I love them, but they aren't something I'd venture out into the world in.

Thursday, April 5, 2018

amazon product review

Ok so the Retinol I'm already loving.  It could be a placebo effect, but I swear I can see a difference.  I have had puffy skin under my eyes for at least the last 10 years, and this stuff seems to somehow pull the skin tight.  It doesn't take very much to spread across the area, this stuff will probably last me a long time.  I intend to make this part of my regular regimene.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01FLO5914/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Sponges - I've never really used these.  I always either used tissue, or the real cheapy sponges.  These things are much more dense, and can get into cracks better.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B017YUMADS/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

New foundation - I must say, this is way better than the oil of olay crap that Ellen plugs.  After applying, it leaves the skin very smooth and non-shiny.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00PFCSXIY/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s02?ie=UTF8&th=1

Concealer - Another product I've never really used either.  This stuff is not only great for brightening up dark areas of skin (like under the eyes), but any red splotches you might have.  This one has a nice sponge applicator built in, which distributes more concealer with each push (it clicks like a pen).
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004Y9GY44/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s02?ie=UTF8&th=1

Monday, April 2, 2018

Amazon and Ebay shopping and browsing

So I've been buying nail sets lately from China.  Some pre-painted, some not.  Bought some high strength earth magnets after watching a youtube video of someone making their own magnet earrings.  I bought similar ones, but there wasn't enough hold (I need to get a sampling of various strengths).  I bought this button down skirt (black not red) which fits pretty nicely:
I bought this dress which should have been plenty big, but it was super tight:

I bought some stuff on amazon over the weekend, like these pretty (and comfortable looking) heels that have a zipper in the back:

Finally decided I should own a set of foundation blender sponges:

The foundation I currently have works ok, but I want to see if something with a higher rating works better:

I also bought concealer which I've never used before:

And my blush is all cracked, so I also bought a new one of that (I should have also probably bought a good brush)

Future buys:
So I've never owned fake boobs.. I mean I once bought a cheap pair of silicone fillers, but nothing I'd call "boobs".  I've owned "crossdresser hip/butt pads" which was basically a pair of underwear with pockets to shove cheap foam into.  If you buy silicone versions of either of these at any online store, they can easily run $500 each or more.  So I decided to look on ebay (china of course), and there's some decent stuff up there.  I found this breast plate (which is similar to well known drag queen websites that sell for $500) for only $140 shipped:

Other nice thing is that the drag queen one just sort of attached around the neck and hangs.  this one actually criss-crosses and velcros in the front (so easy to get on, and it should be fastened down to the body pretty well)

Then I saw this body shaper that not only gives you a really nice butt, but also tucks in front with a little slit.  It's a shame it's not more detailed, but for the price it looks like it would do a good job of shaping the body at least.

Then while stumbling around those 2 things, I found this!  They are silicone gloves, but more importantly they have airbrushed skin imperfections so they don't look like fake rubber!

There's a set that isn't airbrushed, but it has long fingernails attached.  I'm assuming if I were order these, I could easily glue my own on.  This would also be pretty awesome for quickly crossdressing (both because I don't have to glue nails (and worry about taking them off), plus I don't have to shave my arms.  Here's a video of someone wearing a set:

Friday, March 30, 2018

Ready Player one

Not sure how many have been following the release of this movie (I plan on seeing it tomorrow when my wife gets home).  I've been speed reading through the book and just finished it this morning.  How does this relate to crossdreaming?  Because nearly every character has a different avatar than what they are in the real world.
**SPOILER ALERT**

One character is a gay black woman that creates a white male avatar and is friends with the main character.  Reading the story makes me wish this tech was much closer than it is now.  Don't get me wrong, the latest Oculus rift VR looks great (I still haven't tried one yet).  Also there are companies that are currently making haptic feedback devices to make the virtual world feel more real:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OK2y4Z5IkZ0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-HAsxt9pV4

And when you look at how far we've come in just the past 20 years (in 1998 the first playstation with it's blocky 3d graphics was still the current system, playstation 2 was still 2 years away), it's pretty amazing how much we've advanced.  It's completely feasible that in another 20 years VR could very well become commonplace, possibly making many careers easily telecommutable never needing to leave your home to go to work.  If you don't believe me, just search youtube for unreal engine architecture, like this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpjhsOneeQQ

Monday, March 5, 2018

SNL skit - did they just scan my brain or what?

So last weekend charles barkley hosted.. Not really sure why, he's a horrible actor.  Anyway, there was this skit that really hit me.  It showed the stereotypical road crew that appeared to be ogling girls as they walk by, but in reality they were admiring her clothes.  They even talked about how women have so many more choices and color pops, and that every guy's closet is full tans and browns.  While this might have been meant to be funny, I didn't really hear the audience laughing that much.  It's almost as if there's more guys that think this way, and maybe women wonder if men are thinking this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCypw1oX4FQ

Monday, February 26, 2018

Ever see women's clothing you want really bad but can't find it?

I'm the queen of finding things.  Obscure movies, music, etc..  With enough googling search terms, I eventually find what I'm looking for.

I often find that with clothing I strike out a lot.  Either I don't know what style something is, or it's something very specific and even with searching that person's name I can't find any information on it.

First example:
This SNL parody of oprah (I've seen it on other celebrities) is some sort of criss-cross cut.. I have no idea what it's called but I want one:



Then there's Sara Blakely who's the founder of Spanx and shows up on Shark Tank pretty much every single time with this adorable pink top:

I'm sure this one is even harder to find because either:
A. It's really fucking expensive.. like worth as much as my car expensive
B. It's an original designed exclusively for her and nobody will ever have one like it.

Saturday, February 24, 2018

men hate straws

So I was listening to the morning radio this week, and somehow it got on the conversation of straws and how men don't use them.  The female co-host didn't understand.   The male co-host said it was because it looked feminine, and perhaps it looks phalic like a man eating a banana.  I remember as a kid (when I would have to tag along with my dad to bars) how adamant he was about throwing away straws in my cola.  He never really explained it to me, but sort of hinted at it being "fruity" without being very clear.  So I looked it up and found this video that sort of confirms all of the above.  I found it interesting that this is a thing, and that I don't really care what people think of me if I use a straw.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6COor7skr4



Monday, February 19, 2018

crossdressed 2 weekends in a row

So the previous weekend on Sunday afternoon I did some grocery shopping, then I decided to message my wife that I was going to crossdress.  For some reason even though my wife COMPLETELY accepts this, I feel like it's only fair to warn her.  I decided to be cute and temporarily change my bitmoji avatar to be female.  Also warning her seems to make it less awkward and less to explain when I come home and say "I'm going upstairs to get dressed".  Even though it was the day before a workday, I went through the trouble of doing makeup.  Put on my favorite top with the winged sleeves, and the black pants with lace bottoms.  I also wore my lace hose which my wife said was overkill of lace.  She doesn't quite understand that people like me like to go overboard (plus I don't have a whole lot of bottom choices).  Then the inevitable "wipe all my makeup off and not leave a trace left" task came at hand.

Fast forward to this past weekend, we had to go down to visit family on Saturday morning.  When we got back and settled in, I decided to start by attaching false nails.  They were french style with a black lace design at the tips.  I had ordered new nail glue from amazon previous in the week and was anxious to try it out:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00VL1FY9Y/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I applied the minimum amount of glue at first, just enough to keep it on but perhaps be easier to pop off.  Even though acetone can break down glue, I always worry it's not going to penetrate (or I'm going to be soaking my fingers for a half hour).  Well my technique wasn't cutting it, some were already falling off.  So I thought "Well screw it, let's really apply this stuff like I want them to stay.  Worse case scenario I'm soaking for a long time, or I'm pulling the dremel out and grinding these nails off.  My wife had mentioned that she might want to get her nails done on Sunday and maybe get her vehicle washed.  Visions of "Do I dare go with her and leave my nails on" entered my head.  Anyway, after I had my nails on I went over to my wife and showed her, and said with a smile "Got any itches need scratching?"  She then asked if I was going to dress, to which I said "Of course".  This time I forgo the makeup, but put on my polka dot dress on this time.  She said she had never seen it before and really liked it.  She mentioned I should try getting a dress on modcloth, but I prefer my chinese stores.  So one other thing I wanted to do was fix the jumpsuit I had bought which lost a button on the back.  This was going to be challenging sewing with long nails on.  My wife asked if she wanted me to do that since I had nails on, I said I was ok.  Not only did I chose to fix this with nails on because I wanted to see what a challenge it was, but because sewing is construed as a very female activity.  As I started to get into it, a very calming and warm feeling came over me.  I was getting used to dealing with the nails, and it felt so right.  I even told my wife that I felt really good.  At one point (as she often does) she commented how jealous she is that I can wear lace hosiery.  My wife is plus size, but even if she lost a bunch of weight she's been cursed by bad genes and thick legs.  She has a really hard time wearing any sort of hosiery or tights without it bunching up or tearing.  I suppose all is fair in life, I'm jealous she was born as the right gender.. Even though my wife can be quite the tomboy, I've asked her and she never seems to want to be a dude.  I mean maybe she would like all that comes with being a male "higher pay, respect, not dealing with an inny (vagina)", but she doesn't seem to have any gender disphoria.

So my nails were really staying on well, in fact a few times my nail got jammed and it pulled on my real nails which hurt.  The typical things like opening tupperware, opening cans, pulling the recessed lever on the lazyboy chair.  I went to bed that night, and while my wife fell asleep I decided to play with myself a bit.  I started by rubbing the outside of my panties.  I don't know if this is a common thing with crossdressers, but the feeling of lace rubbing against my cock feels REALLY good, especially with long nails rubbing across it.  I didn't go all the way, but I got really hard.  I went to sleep and woke up the next morning, no lost nails.  The dogs always go a little crazy in the morning, they have an issue where they want to lick everything (bed, arms, etc).  We try to snuggle the best we can, but they always want to be in-between us.  She tells me to take them potty and then put them in their crates.  I go back upstairs and we snuggle for a little, and we start playing around.  I tell her I want her to tease me with my panties still on which feels great.  She too has been getting her nails done lately which she hasn't done for a long time.  After I do the deed, I think "Well, I've lost the urge to dress now".  Just then she asks me "Are you still going to dress today?" to which I answer yes because I don't want her to think this is just a fetish, and I too don't want to believe that.  I put on something more casual, and we both do some cooking.  Unfortunately, my nails start to pop off.  I thought about re-attaching them, but I don't want fresh glue this late in the game.  I slowly pop them off throughout the morning until only a couple are left.

So I guess the one good thing is I found a glue that is strong, yet doesn't last.  This is exactly what people like me are wanting.  Something that holds strong and allows me to experience long nails, but not be so strong that I'm not going to get them off for a week.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

chaturbate part 2

So I'm finding myself on this site more.  Sometimes to do the deed, sometimes just curious how the girls look and dress.  While there are a TON of girls from 3rd world countries like columbia (not surprising there are transgender girls that are likely not working because of the way they are treated there), there are some in the states.  Many don't talk, they just type in chat and wait for viewers to tip.. sometimes they annoyingly spam the chat window about tipping, and what they can receive if they tip a certain amount.  Honestly I'm amazed there isn't some sort of minimal tipping after a short preview because it's really easy to sit anonymously in a room and watch a free show.  The big thing with this channel is the girls can buy what's effectively a dildo that can be activated by tips (and various levels depending on the size of tip).    I popped into one room and almost immediately I was PM'd by the transgender girl and asked verbally in a rather aggressive way what I was looking for.  I don't know if she was in a bad mood, or she was getting frustrated not getting paid for her time.  I say if you put on a good show, the audience and money will follow.  I've been hitting the follow button on girls I find interesting, or attractive.  Many girls are on several days a week, some are only on one night a week.  This was one of the girls that was on last night that was very pretty.  Had it not been for her cock you would never know she was transgender:

Honestly one thing it's done is perhaps make me perhaps feel the guilt I should be having watching porn.  They talk about exploitation, which I never believed in.  You choose that path.  In this case, they are certainly choosing (they setup their own channel, choose when to go on, etc).  However, there's a big difference between watching a pre-recorded video (what's done is done), and watching a live feed (and on top of it, practically begging for money).  At the same time, I feel like what other outlet do I have?  If it weren't for media like this, how else would I fantasize about crossdreaming?