tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33431196224048412982024-03-05T22:03:09.350-08:00Joe is a josieramblings of a crossdreamertg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.comBlogger119125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-82667148635336160042022-03-17T19:48:00.002-07:002022-03-17T19:48:24.935-07:00been a while, lots of things happened..<p>Sex</p><p>So like maybe, 2 months ago? My wife decided to do this sex quiz (there's like 5 categories). I turned out to be Kinky "which sort of makes sense". My wife ended up with shapeshifter (which I assumed I would have), but it's not that shapeshifting. It means she needs a lot of variety (and she is very willing, if not desired to constantly change her role). Well that lead us to buying some sex toys, and one thing we tried which was AMAZING was we bought a small strap-on (but also a larger vibrating one), and it felt so good. I don't think I ever gasped that much during sex (or felt so good without ejaculating). So I also bought a toy for me which was an arcwave. Not cheap ($200), but basically you stick your cock in this rubbery chamber, and it doesn't really vibrate but sends airwaves at the bottom tip. This means the orgasm is a very slow build up, and when you finally go it's like a light touch that makes it feel incredible. My first time I shot a load across the room. If you read the reviews, they say it's about as close as a man will get to a female orgasm and they weren't lying.</p><p>Clothes</p><p>I've been slowly expanding my wardrobe past dresses (I still buy a few, but I'm trying to get some that are more casual and blend in). I've been buying a lot of blouses and pants from this website called SHEIN. It's still imported from China, but unlike aliexpress which can take 3-4 weeks it's typically here in less than 2 weeks. Still really good prices, lots of sales, and sizes that actually fit (size guides are usually accurate too). I've got some tops that are SO dam cute.</p><p>Under garments</p><p>So while my full chest boobs look good, it's a pain to get on (and it's VERY warm since it covers from my belly button all the way up to my neck). So in order to still feel like I have boobs I bought a couple cheap inserts to go in a bra and I get nearly the same sensation (weight) and similar chest under clothes</p><p>My vagina pants (literally from my belly button down to almost my knees) was also very warm and a pain to get on, and parts were starting to rip so I decided to get a replacement. Not only did I got with something that was more like panties so it wasn't so hot, but it also has a hole where my butt is (in case I want to do anal without having to take it off). A couple weekends ago I wore them for nearly the whole weekend, and when I took them off so we could play with my cock, my wife noticed my penis was a little bit white on the tip. She said I need to be careful how long I wear it. Also even though they include a sleeve (so you can still pee without taking them off), it isn't very well sealed and one time it did leak out. So I found a possible solution and I tried it today and it worked wonderfully. I yanked the stock one that came with the panties, and I bought some male external catheters from a medical supply. Very similar to the sleeve, but it fits tightly around your penis, and then still has a short flexible tube (meant to hook up to a bag), but I just have that sticking out of the vagina hole. I went to the bathroom 3-4 times today, not a single leak, very good flow. I must say it's the closest I've felt to having a vagina. One thing I was not expecting, how STRONG that built in adhesive is. The comments did warn about shaving, but I was like "meh, I'll be fine". Peeling it from your skin is one thing (not bad if you go slow), ripping pubic hair out is a bit painful. They say they're good for 12-24 hours, so I might start opting to wearing it for an entire day on the weekends.</p><p>Lastly, since my vagina panties don't have much filling to give me hips and butt, I searched out an alternative. I found a really great website of a drag queen that makes really nice foam hip/butt pads. I say nice because she makes ones that give up to an extra 4 inches (I believe I bought 3") which I need because I'm a bit thicker, and an inch of padding isn't going to do much to give my body shape. I highly reccommend them if you're looking for something similar</p><p><a href="https://planetpeppernyc.com">https://planetpeppernyc.com</a></p><p><br /></p>tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-34227768787657262432021-06-02T05:27:00.002-07:002021-06-02T05:27:46.676-07:00Unreal engine - metahuman<p> Some of you may have seen some demos of this. Basically unreal has created an engine that allows you to create a realistic avatar. One bonus they've added to this software is the ability to link an iphone to it for face tracking. Now since this is wireless, there's obviously some lag (I'm hoping they eventually add support for some sort of hardwired camera that helps reduce this). Perhaps the lag isn't in the camera but the processing of tracking to realtime 3d animation? Anyway, I came across this demo and now I want to play with it so badly. I mean if I had this realistic avatar moving around like a mirror reflection I would love it. The fact that you can import a pre-made avatar and make tweaks (sort of molding your own custom female body) is even better.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/y5eFFro1z24" width="419" youtube-src-id="y5eFFro1z24"></iframe></div><br /><p><br /></p>tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-41353471132149001912021-06-02T05:23:00.002-07:002021-06-02T05:23:46.196-07:00Been away for a while<p>While I still enjoy the concept of MTF transition, it doesn't excite me like it used to. I'm still genderfluid but I feel like I'm trying to push myself to the next phase of my life. This past 3-day weekend I embraced it. Saturday morning I put on some french manicure nails and spent the day in boy mode, went grocery shopping (yes that sounds weird having nails in boy mode, but I'm pushing my boundaries to see if I get any reaction, which I didn't.. at least none that I noticed and I'm usually hyper sensitive when I do). Sunday and Monday I spent fully dressed up. Didn't do makeup, but sometimes I just don't feel the need to wear any if the clothing gives me that warm feeling I need. I have a local friend that came out as bi-sexual last October, and almost immediately after I sent him a message that I dress up to sort of form that bond of an ally. Then yesterday (since it was the first day of pride month) I decided to send him a couple photos of me dressed up, he was pretty impressed. I'm guessing if you look halfway decent (IE it clearly looks like you've been practicing and not just some dude that threw on a dress) that's typically the reaction I would expect. Going from very boy-mode to VERY girl mode.</p><p>Every time I dress up, I think about going outside. The issue I have mostly right now is nearly everything I have is dresses. I would not pass because sadly women just don't dress like this and I would stick out like a sore thumb. I'm still working on a more casual outfit that blends in, and working up the nerve to go out in public. I feel like I need to do it sooner than later because I'm not getting any younger, and it's only going to be more difficult the longer I wait. I doubt I'll ever transition, there are too many obstacles, but I can totally see playing both sides of the gender spectrum for the rest of my life.</p><p><br /></p>tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-48814212649983840252020-10-28T20:12:00.001-07:002020-10-28T20:12:09.307-07:00New goal - create a passing look<p>So I'm on this mission lately to put together an outfit where I pass. Crazy right? So all my crossdressing life, I've taken the same path that nearly everyone else does. Buy all the sexy outfits that make you stick out like a sore thumb, that most wouldn't be caught dead outside in (but have fun wearing it inside). So I don't know if I'll ever drum up the courage to REALLY go outside, but here's my thinking. We're still in a pandemic, probably will be for another year. What better time to try it? The mask covers half your face, if someone questions your gender, you can tell them 6 foot social distance. Also you're wearing a mask, everyone is pretty muffled so that buys you some tolerance. So of course I ordered a set of feminine masks (one pink, one floral, one white with black polka dots).</p><p>In general I'm trying to find clothes that most women would wear (not sky high heels, women rarely wear heels these days). I found a pair of chunky boots, and although they fit the toe is so pointy that they hurt after wearing them for like 10 minutes. It's not my imagination, my toes are literally red afterwards. So in order to try to make them work, I bought shoe stretchers on ebay for like $15. Supposedly if you soak the shoe in alcohol and let them sit with a stretcher you can gain a whole shoe size. Well I'm not looking to make them bigger, but I would like to try to stretch the toe sideways a little (and this stretcher only expands sideways). I have a couple other pairs of boots on the way from aliexpress but these are the first ones.</p><p>So I also bought breast forms, and they feel good (and look decent inside a bra). I just can't take the fake breast plate anymore. It's hot, the cotton filling doesn't have any weight, it just looks so plastic barbie fake.</p><p>Clothes: So I haven't really bought much yet, still trying to figure out my look. My wife has been losing a lot of weight (as I have too) so she's been purging clothes left and right. Well there was one cute dress I decided to keep that's a floral green skirt, and then a crossover blouse (all one piece) and it fits really well.</p><p>Hair: so although I do have about 3 wigs, I really wanted to get something that wasn't red drag hair, or "point the arrow at my head I have blonde curls" hair. So I found a wig that had good reviews, looked like it would look good on me. It just came today and I gotta say I'm really happy with it. It's the copper (which is dark red highlights) which apparently is now also sold out here:</p><p><a href="https://jennybtysupply.com/collections/synthetic-lace-wigs/products/mayde-beauty-synthetic-invisible-5-lace-part-wig-jayde?variant=32185340756028">https://jennybtysupply.com/collections/synthetic-lace-wigs/products/mayde-beauty-synthetic-invisible-5-lace-part-wig-jayde?variant=32185340756028</a></p><p>I think any one color wig sticks out really bad. I think unless your wig has shades (ombre) it doesn't look natural.</p><p>So one last thing I ordered is this:</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg81mAdoJOzuD59tHUFDBdQWin4T_3Sr1x87jabNpPvoCu9zbpIdaa-zlKk-L8yLFD80uXqTfPN07W1csB6Sy2-HuB3lCP5anKX-UHDEFtCN84v_FEwU4C8VoaKDXEVleg0a9mb7pyJmuF2/s850/s-l1600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="850" data-original-width="850" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg81mAdoJOzuD59tHUFDBdQWin4T_3Sr1x87jabNpPvoCu9zbpIdaa-zlKk-L8yLFD80uXqTfPN07W1csB6Sy2-HuB3lCP5anKX-UHDEFtCN84v_FEwU4C8VoaKDXEVleg0a9mb7pyJmuF2/s320/s-l1600.jpg" /></a></p><p>I know what you're saying, how the heck are you going to wear that? So I really considered getting one that had straps to attach it but hear me out. If I get one that has straps, I'll have to take it off everytime I poop. And I've worn similar devices (where you're forcing pee through a vagina hole) and because you have to push harder (because you aren't used to restrictive flow) you tend to push out poop more often than you did before. I'm hoping I can use some medical adhesive or liquid latex to literally attach it in the morning, and sort of faux live as woman all day forcing myself to pee sitting down.</p><p>I have no idea where this is going to go, but I feel like I need to try something. Been trying to at least dress up every other day after work. I usually help my wife with the cooking, so it sorta fits in with the role. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p><br /></p>tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-9825592210504603172020-10-27T03:51:00.000-07:002020-10-27T03:51:10.616-07:00dream - estrogen<p> So I just woke up and vividly remember a dream where I had obtained a whole bottle of estrogen pills. As with most dreams, the details can get fuzzy (especially the longer you wait to write it down), but I'm pretty sure I had obtained them without seeing a doctor and getting a blood test. In the dream I was doing errands, shopping at the grocery store at one point. I kept thinking about those pills in my pocket, telling myself over and over "just take one, what's one going to hurt?" Finally at one point I took a pill, and it was like a flood over my body (results exaggerated for my dream). My entire thought process changed, I looked at my reflection and immediately noticed changes to my face and body. I felt calm and normal for the first time in my life. It felt so vivid and strong that it woke me up.. And then I felt a strong boner down there.</p><p>So what does this dream really mean? What's the connection of being aroused? Was I getting aroused because of my typical crossdreamer mind of "ooh I'm turning into a girl, this is hot"? Or was I getting aroused in the way that I'm finally getting something I've been wanting for a long time, like when you save up for a sports car and the day finally comes to go to the dealer to buy it and you get aroused when you finally take that test drive because it's become real?</p><p><br /></p>tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-69976769803042984722020-10-20T15:33:00.000-07:002020-10-20T15:33:36.892-07:00new breast forms<p>So I decided to buy a pair breastforms. They were really cheap ($30 on ebay). They aren't super realistic (they have that baggie wrinkle) which kills any chance of me showing cleavage. So right off the bat I was kinda disappointed.</p><p>So if I have a semi-realistic breast plate, why did I decide to buy these? Well I stuck them in a bra, and they fill it really nicely. They weren't overly big (just the right size at a C cup, or 400g per boob). They have that nice weight to them that my cotton filled breast plate doesn't have. I don't have to worry about these tearing because I don't squeeze into them, they just slide into a bra. More than any reason, these have a nice protective plastic layer separating my skin from the silicone. I DO worry about some sort of chemical leaching into my skin and giving me cancer later. I mean these things are all made in china and there surely aren't standards to health there. To top all that off, these are certainly easier to put on (not struggle with sliding a tight shirt over my head). They won't make me hot (wrapping your upper torso in silicone can get REALLY hot). There's been times I only had my breast plate on for a few hours, and I have red marks on the back of my neck from the heat. There's also a part of me that says "hun, you're in your mid 40's, are you honestly going to go out in public showing cleavage? Fill your bra and call it a day". Also my breast plate isn't fooling anyone. There's always a line between breast plate and real skin, and those tones don't match. Yea I suppose I could spend a lot of time with makeup to blend the line, but even then you have to wear a really thick necklace to hide the transition (and make sure it stays in place). I would actually feel way less subconscious with just some forms inside of a bra (so long as my chest is shaved of course).</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-978897680777923212020-09-15T04:50:00.003-07:002020-09-15T04:50:46.028-07:00morning twilight snooze dream - dressed up<p> So lately in the mornings we've been waking up at 5:30am. My wife goes into her office at 6am, but I find myself half falling asleep not wanting to get up. I usually have odd dreams (that of course feel way longer than the length I was asleep). This morning's dream I was with my wife and a group of friends. We were all getting ready for something, and I asked how I should dress. My wife is like "just wear something nice". The guys all tossed on sloppy t-shirts and jeans, and I found myself dressing.. well the best way to describe it is dorothy from golden girls (but I didn't feel like I was old). I was wearing a pair of black female slacks, and then my top was a colorful blouse with an even more colorful vest (red purple and pink sequins), and thick hoop earrings. When I was done getting dressed, we all started doing exercise in the kitchen, and as I raised my hands I could see that I had very nice manicured long red nails. My biggest take away from it was how comforting it not only felt to dress up, but that not a single eyebrow raised that I chose to dress female.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM_Yt4j0J2jDi-Z8S34KaA_ybIE0pOSXfA8jl_kNC7pTVQwPHz7e67H4ScHLp1OlPbF6YQaiPiDqXbhWGet6zRof2MoO8-HmVwrLhCVApTJLyMt2hzukc48xmZowVHeejAZlIqM32ql8Tj/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="316" data-original-width="474" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM_Yt4j0J2jDi-Z8S34KaA_ybIE0pOSXfA8jl_kNC7pTVQwPHz7e67H4ScHLp1OlPbF6YQaiPiDqXbhWGet6zRof2MoO8-HmVwrLhCVApTJLyMt2hzukc48xmZowVHeejAZlIqM32ql8Tj/" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div>tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-75893401806738178272020-05-21T05:03:00.000-07:002020-05-21T05:03:46.957-07:00TG dreams - 2 nights in a row<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This pandemic is making me have bizzarre dreams, but sometimes those dreams are nice.<br />
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Dream One: I was completely dressed up and on a date. My date had no idea I was trans. Then we ended up going by my work (which wasn't actually my work) but there was an issue with some paperwork. My work didn't know I was trans so I had to use my male voice to explain to my co-workers what was wrong so they knew it was me. It was at that point my date bailed, and I was like "really? that's what turned you off?"<br />
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Dream Two: I was hanging out with friends at the white house, and the dream implied that I was the first lady (but I knew I wasn't a woman) which made it weirder. I was dressed as myself, but I found myself keep wanting to explore the wardrobe. When I finally did, my friends started to leave. The dressing room was gigantic with the most incredible dresses, shoes, and jewelry. Over and over I kept questioning if I could dress up and pull this off.<br />
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-61163879830331600002020-05-04T19:17:00.004-07:002020-05-04T19:17:50.564-07:00short TG dream last night / coronavirus masksSo I dreamt last night that I was sitting in a lazy-boy chair in a living room. I was aware there were other people in the room but don't remember who they were. Some woman was wanting to test some lipstick, and she scanned the room, and walked over to me (I'm guessing because I had the fullest lips). I let her do it without questioning it whatsoever. She walked away, and then suddenly in the dream I was walking to some appointment. There was lots of stone and stairways, and I felt subconscious about walking around as a dude with lipstick on. I saw a group of people coming so I hid behind a wall and starting looking at youtube videos on my phone. As a group of girls passed by, one turned towards me and asks "What's your name?". I wasn't sure if she was curious who I was, or if she did that on purpose to out me. As I began to speak, two things went through my mind.<div>
1. I hadn't practiced a female voice</div>
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2. I couldn't come up with one of my female persona names</div>
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So I ended up just sort of letting out a "baaa guhhh", and then she turned away and continued walking along.</div>
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So this brings up my next point. We've been in isolation for about 6 weeks, and I've been wearing a mask in public for probably the past 3-4 weeks for my own safety and others (but it's been mandated as of the beginning of the month). This was brought up on fetlife (not like I haven't had this thought myself). With the 6-foot rule, plus everyone wearing masks (and everyone generally trying to avoid each other), and the likeliness of being confronted is VERY low, it would seem that right now is a perfect time to try crossdressing in public. You're 6 feet from everyone, half your face is covered (so not only are you not recognizable but you're covering the part of your body that's likely the least female), plus with a mask your speech is going to tend to be muffled so even speaking is sort of helped by this). I almost feel like if I don't take advantage of this time I'm missing out.</div>
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-37731306319518050492019-12-19T16:46:00.002-08:002019-12-19T16:46:56.074-08:00been a while<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I've been super busy the past 3 months. Between a hot project at work and going to school 2 nights a week (plus running a home business on the side) I have had nearly no time for crossdressing. I've dressed up maybe 1-2 times in all that time and it's been killing me. So my wife is on a business trip this week, and you would think I would jump on it, but because I've been away from it so long I didn't have the motivation.<br />
<br />The other thing I've been up to, been on a new "diet" since mid-september, though it's not really a diet because diet usually means restrictive. This is a different way of looking at eating and it's allowed me to lose 20lbs in just 2-1/2 months.<br />
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Last night I caught up with all the blogger pages I follow on here and that sorta got me in the mood a little. Then I stumbled on these odd youtube videos of using GTA as machima to act out a hooker situation with online friends. While they were just messing around, the fact that probably straight guys were playing the female hookers got me sorta hot<br />
<a href="https://youtu.be/7Cl5oq6BXuI">https://youtu.be/7Cl5oq6BXuI</a><br />
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Was going to dress last night but just got sidetracked by work and keeping up with the impeachment debate.<br />
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So then this morning at the last minute I decided to dress up half-ass before work. Wig, silicone boobs, silicone vagina panties, tight sheer black dress. I liked what I saw in the mirror, and I was feeling sexy. So of course pressed for time I grabbed my hitachi magic wand and went to town. I started rubbing my hips and boobs, and it felt nice to feel my curves. Within about a minute I was orgasming big time. Then realized the mess I would have to cleanup after undressing, but man it was worth it. It was about the closest I've ever felt to a female orgasm so far.<br />
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-61067767429933065342019-09-18T04:21:00.000-07:002019-09-18T04:21:19.404-07:00the negative side of the transgender community<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
While we all try to remain positive, there's always that dark side of our world that we're all aware of but don't want to admit or talk about. There was a post last week on fetlife that really affected me, at the very least never want to attempt to transition. The post basically says they are done transitioning for good. All of her online and offline friends have blackmailed and extorted her (including those in the trans community). Her reputation and career has been sabotaged, and she has been raped 5 times.<br />
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Now granted, we have no idea what the backstory is, it's just a rambling post. However if you follow trans social media and news, you know that being trans is an uphill battle. If you do come out, you potentially lose a lot of family and friends that don't support your life choice. The same goes for employers. While many states have protection, many don't and can literally fire people for being trans.<br />
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My trans life is very secretive. Other than this blog and my fetlife account (which does have photos of me dressed up), the only person that really knows about my lifestyle is my wife. And we wonder why some of us stay in the closet? It's that horrendous fear that someone in our circle will find out about us and not be on board with supporting our lifestyle. This could be as tame as simply ignoring the elephant in the room, to full on sabotage of wanting to out us and ruin our lives. You hear about people only dressing up when they travel and I can see why. The odds of you running into someone you know is about .001%. Dressing up in your own area the odds are pretty good. I blogged about this before.. I decided to wear nails and go grocery shopping, and damned if I didn't see a co-worker shopping there. Murphy's law isn't just a saying.. if things can go wrong, it will go wrong.<br />
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-3042445273052831302019-09-15T11:56:00.000-07:002019-09-15T11:56:49.369-07:00recurring dream?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I vividly remembered a dream, but what was weird is I didn't remember I had a similar dream until I revisited the same scenario. So the first dream that I'm now remembering was that I was a drag queen at some bar/restaurant somewhere in a mall. I don't remember what I was wearing in the first dream other than I had on heels. This second dream it started out as me walking through the mall with the thought that I was on my way to work but didn't know what the job was. I looked at my watch and saw that it was 6pm which was when I started... I walked to where I thought my job was, only to find that the store front was covered up. I was like "what the hell? Did they close? what's going on?". I walked around a few times and when I circled back I finally realized that they had covered up the entrance with a giant white wall with a subtle swinging door for the entrance. Once I walked through there it lead me down a long hallway, and then through the front entrance. As I walked through the restaurant I could see several drag queens walking around prepping for the night. For some reason one of the drag queens was William Belli and as I walked by she looked up, said "heyyyy" and did a little jig and I did a jig back. I walked to the back room where the dressing room was. I had a coat on to cover up my yellow floral dress, and had on bright yellow nike gym shoes. I started to get my heels on and get ready to do my makeup. It felt like a newish job, and I wasn't really sure what my role was. Was I a performer? Was I a bartender? A waitress? Hostess? I was worried how tiring this type of job of standing for a long time was going to be.<div>
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I wondered this morning why I was having a recurring dream about being a drag queen. I have been super busy lately and haven't really had time for dressing up, so perhaps this was my brain's way of dealing with not being able to do so in real life.</div>
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-57259604545704922912019-07-15T19:24:00.001-07:002019-07-15T19:24:52.420-07:00What a weekend, taking baby steps!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So this past friday I got home early as usual. My wife works from home, but she wasn't going to be done with work for a couple hours. So I decided to dress up since it was the weekend. I wore that sunflower top I got from rosegal, a pair of my black lacey pants, my new sandals, wig, earrings, short french manicured false nails.. I felt really good, feeling feminine without being over the top (dress, heels, the usual drill). I actually had some good cleavage too, like passable. Wife comes down, sort of surprised to see me dressed up. She goes "I guess we aren't going to dinner", and I'm like "Why, were you planning on going out?". To preface that statement, we rarely go out to dinner. Not because I'm a bad husband, because she doesn't typically enjoy going out. The times we do "eat out" it's usually me picking it up on the way home, or ordering out. I half jokingly said "I look pretty good right now, don't tempt me". she asked "Do you want to?", to which of course I said no.. But felt good knowing she would be ok going out in public with me dressed up.<br />
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So after behaving and eating healthy all week, we decided to have a cheat night. We ordered from a chain fish place through uber eats. Now I'm still dressed, so of course she asked "Do I need to answer the door?", and I go no. She's like "are you sure?", and I say yes. Uber driver comes to the door, it's a spanish looking woman maybe in her mid 30's? I say "thank you" in the softest voice I can. I always try to read their face to see if I can read their reaction. She didn't seem to flinch, not to say she isn't questioning why this giant woman is answering the door.<br />
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So then the next morning comes, and my wife decides she wants bbq from the ribfest going on a few blocks away. I'm no longer dressed but still have my short french nails on. I drive down, park the car, and walk in not really caring that much if people see my nails. It's early in the day so there aren't a ton of people either.<br />
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Saturday night rolls around, I've had several nails pops off. For whatever reason, sometimes the shorter nails have more issues than the longer ones. I believe the curve on the short ones don't match my nails, and therefore there's always a force trying to pry them away. Lot of people that review nail adhesive on amazon have mixed reviews, and it's because all of them are using different nails. After I put the longer ones on, I could feel how strong they felt.<br />
<br />
Next morning I had to drive her to the airport, long frilly nails still holding strong. I'm helping get bags out of the back, everyone clearly busy also dropping off family. I head towards home knowing I'm low on gas. I stop at a gas station, still nobody looking at my nails. I stop at an automatic car wash, no weird looks from the attendant. I stop at the grocery store, grab about 5-6 items, reaching for stuff on shelves, many housewives shopping early in the morning, no weird looks or comments. I do use self checkout but sort of wishing I had used a human checkout person.<br />
<br />
So after reflecting on this past weekend, I'm really feeling that if I continue to take baby steps I can build up my confidence to go out dressed up. Might start with a car ride, maybe a drive through.. see where it goes from there.</div>
tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-16548847494035668102019-07-15T18:56:00.000-07:002019-07-15T18:56:47.927-07:00Rosegal (plus sizes).. kinda sucks<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I tried YET another one of those import clothing stores. Pretty sure it was a facebook ad that showed some cute outfits. I sprung $70 on 4 items, shipping included. It shipped in 2 orders, the first one took a week to fullfill, then the usual 10-15 days to get here from China. Here's the first 2 things:<br />
<a href="https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-t-shirts/plus-size-ruffle-polka-dot-t-shirt-2312750.html">https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-t-shirts/plus-size-ruffle-polka-dot-t-shirt-2312750.html</a><br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-leggings/3d-jean-print-plus-size-mini-leggings-7347248.html">https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-leggings/3d-jean-print-plus-size-mini-leggings-7347248.html</a><br />
<br />
So the first top is a bit too short, clearly made for someone more petite than me. The shorts are literally printed yoga like material.. They aren't terrible, but up close it doesn't look nearly as realistic.<br />
<br />
So then a week goes by, still haven't received the rest of my stuff. I contact customer service, they inform me one thing is still on backorder. They ask if I want to cancel that one thing or substitute for something else. I find another top to substitute, and they say it'll get swapped out and shipped the next day. few more days go by, still shows the same items.. Then suddenly it shows shipped, but the substitute isn't in there. When the package arrives, sure enough they didn't swap it out (which I was pissed off at the time), but receiving it I'm glad it didn't get swapped out.<br />
<br />
So the first item is this:<br />
<a href="https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-t-shirts/plus-size-ruched-flounce-peplum-t-shirt-7366543.html">https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-t-shirts/plus-size-ruched-flounce-peplum-t-shirt-7366543.html</a><br />
<br />
Looks great right? Looks puffy and cute? It's not, it's like literally a t-shirt with some frilly fringe attached, looks terrible.<br />
<br />
Second top (that didn't get swapped out) I'm totally digging. Good quality, really cute:<br />
<a href="https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-t-shirts/plus-size-open-shoulder-sunflower-print-keyhole-t-shirt-7384929.html">https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-t-shirts/plus-size-open-shoulder-sunflower-print-keyhole-t-shirt-7384929.html</a><br />
<br />
Would I order again from this company? Probably not.<br />
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-60905782582525741222019-07-15T18:46:00.002-07:002019-07-15T18:46:55.928-07:003d printed shoes on hold...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I still want to make them, but the sandals I ordered on aliexpress ended up fitting (with a slight modification to the top strap):<br />
<a href="https://www.aliexpress.com/item/32968412298.html?spm=a2g0s.9042311.0.0.2a514c4dh5mnTg">https://www.aliexpress.com/item/32968412298.html?spm=a2g0s.9042311.0.0.2a514c4dh5mnTg</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj53y6eZ978UC4H4aOVs7jAj6LWGAK-ydVsH0LTQk1vfo3m96UJQv2HfzN0bERv_LbU0APDwYDgybxZjRZCjw9kdw4SwkCoorI2f1-NlgQHRSX7-obrsB4TqiDxN9mfmIoDjgFB7x2Co2-m/s1600/sandal.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="419" data-original-width="391" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj53y6eZ978UC4H4aOVs7jAj6LWGAK-ydVsH0LTQk1vfo3m96UJQv2HfzN0bERv_LbU0APDwYDgybxZjRZCjw9kdw4SwkCoorI2f1-NlgQHRSX7-obrsB4TqiDxN9mfmIoDjgFB7x2Co2-m/s320/sandal.png" width="298" /></a></div>
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In fact I'm tempted to order another pair, maybe one in each color just to have them.<br />
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-72422522582967368152019-06-15T07:00:00.001-07:002019-06-15T07:00:06.273-07:00shoes 4 u - part two<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I'm doing it.. and I've realized tracing my foot is stupid because that's not how shoes are made.. So I instead traced one of my sneakers for the shape, and it looked far more normal. I've also opted to only make a 3" wedge heel to save material. I'm also printing in sections (bottom chunk, top thin piece). It's not that different from real shoes. They have the bottom chunk, the straps get glued to that, then a thin piece is glued on top keeping everything clean.<br />
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Because I still don't have a 3d printer big enough to print the entire shoe shape in one shot, I've also had to split it in half (but good enough for proof of concept). I'll have 1/4-20 bolts going through a chunky center to join the 2 halves. I don't know how well I'll be able walk in them, but I'm mostly building them to work out all the assembly issues:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYPY2Kc8wuhXPPGGoz7xVMizdhWPKQdNf_d_FVpv6vCWccNVDcGmLBgml_R4kVW28NtZRkFb4zpW3qcFNjeXF-zCzOFBDrmOPZtbNLY5IPKjw9hyAk1fXbeNvK9oVbZdFUm-PErEll6suA/s1600/0.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="489" data-original-width="809" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYPY2Kc8wuhXPPGGoz7xVMizdhWPKQdNf_d_FVpv6vCWccNVDcGmLBgml_R4kVW28NtZRkFb4zpW3qcFNjeXF-zCzOFBDrmOPZtbNLY5IPKjw9hyAk1fXbeNvK9oVbZdFUm-PErEll6suA/s320/0.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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So this is what it will look like when printed. In the base will be brass threaded inserts that get heat-staked into the base, and then screws on top attach the thin top to the bottom:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8CvsAe64qNcpsebIdOiS7QttY0Rg6gc7rCxS6MUyr59gnKqMo5gmAA3KUELp3Nk0ZmkxpwIYPjKA2EPVjUO6DzWPh3BWpID0857VAL9DH-779FjlLLwESECTLOLI7nlg1S9InyBs7BNll/s1600/1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="589" data-original-width="911" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8CvsAe64qNcpsebIdOiS7QttY0Rg6gc7rCxS6MUyr59gnKqMo5gmAA3KUELp3Nk0ZmkxpwIYPjKA2EPVjUO6DzWPh3BWpID0857VAL9DH-779FjlLLwESECTLOLI7nlg1S9InyBs7BNll/s320/1.png" width="320" /></a></div>
This is my strap layout.. one going over at the toes, and then a criss-cross pattern for the rest. I'd really like a back strap to really lock it in, but again at this point I'm just seeing if this is even feasible.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Ut4UWhMhNLKRtfltx0ORvBTc8kY_ZYN_qx5zlOtMVRGOuIPlFs6BTMgyWv7sDzl9JW6RCzbMQb_R_6cU4uogeNeWEauOe6DP-hFyepZkxLpirMOpWiaXdSKHI-4jw7s6HVae668nA4rd/s1600/2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="589" data-original-width="911" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Ut4UWhMhNLKRtfltx0ORvBTc8kY_ZYN_qx5zlOtMVRGOuIPlFs6BTMgyWv7sDzl9JW6RCzbMQb_R_6cU4uogeNeWEauOe6DP-hFyepZkxLpirMOpWiaXdSKHI-4jw7s6HVae668nA4rd/s320/2.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">So last night I printed my first chunk in the front, and I'm using some 3/4" elastic as the straps for now.. I don't want to have to deal with leather right now. I have to say, even with minimal ribbed walls in the base it feels strong (I was able to walk on it just fine). There's slight creaking, but I also weigh 300lbs. Once I have something that works, I would probably opt to add more walls, or possibly fill in all the gaps with that foam you use to seal up cracks in walls. This should give better support and make it more squishy. I placed the quarter next to it just to show the scale of how big size 17 womens feet are.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik_X3LXdMcU20pEw86BYf_njhtBDQqatNLcOwqIuxY_XvG6FPTkBF_QaTZaVETPOIBi-SzwPBSutsDRT5mDgwuV4wjlUHylCByt5vhRhvTN0V78Xt3_5eMyVzYdagJ1qx7DoG92hvE667H/s1600/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="787" data-original-width="1200" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik_X3LXdMcU20pEw86BYf_njhtBDQqatNLcOwqIuxY_XvG6FPTkBF_QaTZaVETPOIBi-SzwPBSutsDRT5mDgwuV4wjlUHylCByt5vhRhvTN0V78Xt3_5eMyVzYdagJ1qx7DoG92hvE667H/s320/3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">crossdress custom wedge shoes large feet size 16 size 17 size 18</span></div>
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-58423141408115589872019-06-05T04:55:00.001-07:002019-06-05T04:55:57.366-07:00No shoes for you!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So early on in my crossdressing life which was somewhere around 16-17 years old, it became very clear I was going to be stuck wearing womens dress shoes. I wear a size 14-15 mens, which is 16-17 womens. Let me tell you there are no manufacturers that make female sneakers in those sizes, nor do they make wedge sandals in that size. As if fitting in wasn't hard enough, it's even harder when you can't dress casual to fit in.<div>
So I finally said "that's it, I'm going to figure out a way to buy womens casual shoes if it kills me". I searched aliexpress to see if there's some chinese factory that might cater to this, nope. Etsy! of course, lots of homemade items on there including shoes. I contact the 4 sellers on there that seem to cater to such a thing, all of them pretty much say the same thing. A size 49 Euro doesn't exist as a pattern, and therefore they can't produce in that size. Now I realize that might be true, but if you're truly a shoemaker wouldn't you try to cater to the customer? I even offered extra money for the additional material and headache, they still said no.</div>
<div>
At this point I'm beyond frustration. Not being able to buy clothing is like making being transgender illegal. I got really depressed because while I was pretty sure I was stuck, confirming it makes it much more real. Then it hit me, I'm an engineer. I'll make my own dam shoes if it kills me!</div>
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Now there are certainly a lot of challenges and uphill battles, the first being that my foot barely fits on a standard sheet of paper. Size 17 womens means my foot is just over 12 inches long, or 300mm. However, if I rotate my foot diagonally on the sheet of paper, it JUST fits. So after I have my foot traced out, I scanned it in, and then I can trace that in a vector program to clean it up. Once I had my 2D vector file, I imported it into solidworks and started figuring out the best way to turn a flat vector into a heel. I found that converting it to sheet metal I could add a bend, then I can extrude the chunky underneath. I cut out a chunk in the center to reduce printing time (because I was sure I wasn't getting it right on the first try), and managed to squeeze it down to a 10 hour print job. I also had to print at 90% scale since it still doesn't quite fit on my bed (8.5" x 8.5") but figured that was close enough. This morning I woke up to a finished part on my printer bed</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs7pICQg6NmIPSH_lhWAP59uPD7GVxkI0GqPlwQ9Pittu0BGCGERzgdE0BJZyreyh-BSs5fb4HjqjExUaBdjDK3mOiYzjsmpap_AXuoL-tP6uiZKz0sSwsjDlCIq06V44dyejRu-tUOP5B/s1600/shoe1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="455" data-original-width="800" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs7pICQg6NmIPSH_lhWAP59uPD7GVxkI0GqPlwQ9Pittu0BGCGERzgdE0BJZyreyh-BSs5fb4HjqjExUaBdjDK3mOiYzjsmpap_AXuoL-tP6uiZKz0sSwsjDlCIq06V44dyejRu-tUOP5B/s400/shoe1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I put my foot over it, and while it's a tad small, it felt like a shoe. I now realize that the foot has an arch when you extend it, so the flat I modeled is incorrect</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCHscXZ1EV6ZgRAASbb8JUMOL2GlvO9CiOBaDUnRGvs8JLZ-2euShexzDT0Y5fUgJLGqILQ1l4KWKtEC8EEfshejHscQsAtAVFszU3G1EX0l3UAwK0jd7VXWdzaFb2xo10qDBKDs2WjvNa/s1600/shoea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="386" data-original-width="792" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCHscXZ1EV6ZgRAASbb8JUMOL2GlvO9CiOBaDUnRGvs8JLZ-2euShexzDT0Y5fUgJLGqILQ1l4KWKtEC8EEfshejHscQsAtAVFszU3G1EX0l3UAwK0jd7VXWdzaFb2xo10qDBKDs2WjvNa/s320/shoea.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I've updated the model this morning, and it's starting to look much closer to a real heel bottom. Not only is the arch correct, but I also tapered the sides so the bottom is a slightly smaller footprint.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicJzTnk9hryqDYiXE5g555vpW7kPGAHUfUZyYjh1QJ5zBCNbaeSiZHIjvxD0AcrQDjk9D3ZT6jLMuOySvyr4BgUgKL8cOjuipDNdO-P6WTs8bQx0OUnLPrG2Sx8CQtt1EzH8arJpaJg5mo/s1600/shoe3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="481" data-original-width="841" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicJzTnk9hryqDYiXE5g555vpW7kPGAHUfUZyYjh1QJ5zBCNbaeSiZHIjvxD0AcrQDjk9D3ZT6jLMuOySvyr4BgUgKL8cOjuipDNdO-P6WTs8bQx0OUnLPrG2Sx8CQtt1EzH8arJpaJg5mo/s320/shoe3.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-69073422822190654752019-05-22T19:54:00.001-07:002019-05-22T19:54:58.870-07:00chaturbate - Seeing the before/after SRS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I've read plenty of stories of people transitioning. Words are one thing, but to actually see the before/after I have to admit is a little shocking (and not something we normally get to see), until things like chaturbate came about. I follow anyone that's interesting on chaturbate, I follow about 18 people. There is a user that goes by the name Ruby Fiera. I think I only followed her because she seemed classy (good webcam, good lighting, nice background). Often you'll see her shelf of high heels. The other day she pops up and I'm like "woah wait a minute, where's her cock"? I scroll down, had SRS.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqbxQdLUkPdjLXzV9VAhZiC6YRzYTEYJgBIPdOcNQciiWCLVEUxAr49ZbsURWMOs8R6Wm0ex9f3dF_AWa5_IyyTVkoBVQzmw2K35YFu8VWLrd65akze3MbgUNMK-ieclityWPVGjIFBSXO/s1600/ruby.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="519" data-original-width="850" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqbxQdLUkPdjLXzV9VAhZiC6YRzYTEYJgBIPdOcNQciiWCLVEUxAr49ZbsURWMOs8R6Wm0ex9f3dF_AWa5_IyyTVkoBVQzmw2K35YFu8VWLrd65akze3MbgUNMK-ieclityWPVGjIFBSXO/s400/ruby.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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So another question that pops into my head.. Do her donations go down? Seems the audience is usually geared towards seeing a female body with a penis. Is she now competing with the dozens of other women on chaturbate now?<br />
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-34470835990237027752019-04-01T21:06:00.002-07:002019-04-01T21:06:26.606-07:00social media accounts crosslinked - my biggest fear<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I'm starting to subscribe to more transgender videos on my alternate transgender gmail account. I came across this video that quite frankly spooks me (though the video itself is adorable as it's a transexual girlfriend dating a guy that it would seem has come out as genderfluid).<br />
<a href="https://youtu.be/51HbzsFhh04">https://youtu.be/51HbzsFhh04</a><br />
<br />
Anyway, he talks about how he made an alternate Instagram account, and because of the way the algorithm works it makes suggestions of "people you may know". And since apparently he posted photos of himself in his house, one friend recognized who it was, and told other friends, who told other friends, and before he knew it he was outed.<br />
<br />
Now myself, I'm basically on 4 social media accounts that I'm active on:<br />
Facebook (I attempted to make a female persona account, but I knew better because of what facebook is trying to achieve so I gave up on it)<br />
Instagram - I only have one account as my male self<br />
Snapchat - I only have one account as my male self<br />
Twitter - I have my main male account (which I'm rarely ever on any more), I have a specific hobby account that I only follow relevant hobby people/companies, and then I have my female persona twitter account.<br />
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Now I will say for the last one, I do in my feeds see suggestions to other people, and I'm guessing that if I see those other people do too. Since I rarely tweet from either of my male accounts, and twitter seems so dead these days, and even if you WERE active most people don't seek out new random people they don't know, I feel fairly safe. I suppose if someone really wanted to sleuth me out and figure out that I had a female persona, I would hope most of my friends would accept that part of me.<br />
<br />
Getting back to the video though, it is interesting that he says most of his friends "accepted it", however they don't want to know about it or hear about it. Btw, without clicking try to guess which one is the genderfluid male:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9uYQhCCTm2xfNstYPNxT0dooRZ8UGXC4KvIrEUfmpu4PSjE0eUOSctn9XjZ7q8irmpZF4lzIQxj90CbtY84YMWt1yAf_cuCIgS_Gd9DT_ski0OKYstFJLAthLOgLUZBdEy46LxdUy2dRj/s1600/couple_transgender.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="902" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9uYQhCCTm2xfNstYPNxT0dooRZ8UGXC4KvIrEUfmpu4PSjE0eUOSctn9XjZ7q8irmpZF4lzIQxj90CbtY84YMWt1yAf_cuCIgS_Gd9DT_ski0OKYstFJLAthLOgLUZBdEy46LxdUy2dRj/s640/couple_transgender.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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I'm guessing if he worked on his voice, he could be very passable in public.</div>
tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-47192563273569090512019-03-24T13:00:00.002-07:002019-03-24T13:00:57.294-07:00vagina panties in public<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I decided to go grocery shopping today while wearing them, see how they feel in a public environment. Honestly in jeans they don't push my butt or hips out very noticeably, but that's not why I wore them. I wanted that feeling of thicker skin and smooth front while doing a normal activity. I have to say it was very comfortable, and I did enjoy the feeling. I could almost see wearing these more often as sort of a way to see if I truly like the different feeling.<div>
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I also watched a ton of youtube videos this weekend. Everything from "my husband came out as trans", to "what it takes to start transitioning", to "nobody told me this is what it would be like". Lots of great information, and many of it scary. The common theme I got from all the videos was</div>
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It's very expensive - and not surgery, but buying a new wardrobe (already do), buying makeup (already do), going to the salon (I'm good with wigs), Seeing doctors (this is always expensive), and of course the hormones themselves if you decide to go down that path (which you have to obviously take for the rest of your life).</div>
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It's a lot of waiting (scheduling an appointment to see a pyschologist, scheduling an appointment to see a doctor, finding the right doctor).</div>
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Wives always seem to have to go through a grieving process, though I think my wife is so used to my dressing at home that it would be easy for her. They also talk about how protective they become, and worry about people attacking you (which my wife definitely has communicated to me).</div>
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-32502808106470172962019-03-21T19:53:00.000-07:002019-03-21T19:53:21.796-07:00vagina panties modified, peeing works, tears...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm still shaking.. So I knew the 8" long tube wasn't working out, so I took the plunge and chopped off 4-5 inches off of it, just enough to stretch over my tip (I'm a grower not a show-er). Did a quick test without putting them on, seemed like it was working but I think having them on would help keep things tight. Probably shouldn't have stood to test but I wanted to see how it was flowing. So I wore them for about the past 3-4 hours, waiting for my urine to build up again. I sat down, biased towards the back of the seat, leaned over.. felt the pressure build up, saw some of the precum dribble at first (yes, this apparently turns me on), then it started to come out. A small stream of pee started to shoot down. After about 10 seconds of that it faded away, and I had to let my body build up the pressure again.<br />
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The second pee was stronger, it felt.. real. I just stared down, seeing the pee stream come out like a woman, seeing my flat front with no bulge.. more importantly feeling, good.. normal.. Then the emotions hit me, and the crying built up until I was a sobbing mess crying on the toilet for about 5 minutes straight. It started out with the though of "Oh my god, this is what it feels like to feel normal in my own skin", and I need to clarify that because I don't feel 100% uncomfortable in my male skin, but I definitely don't feel more than 50% comfortable. I can remember as a kid hating baths, seeing my ball (yes, I either have one testicle or combined testicles) float in the water. To this day, I still absolutely hate my ball being played with by my wife and she doesn't understand that at all.<br />
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Now the second wave of emotion, the reality of what this means. I had opened up pandora's box, and once it's opened it can't be closed. I knew I liked wearing these panties around the house because of the flatness and feeling of having hips, but this was on a whole new level. I liked having a vagina, I still do. How was this going to change my life? How far am I going to take this? Am I going to want to transition? How is this going to affect my relationship with my wife?<br />
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I've actually been watching a lot of videos.. watching transgender women just talk on chaturbate (yes, some do have conversations and don't just masturbate). Many of them talk about how even though it's much harder to get an erection (and maintain it), they wouldn't want surgery for multiple reasons. Doctors are hacks, you'll lose feeling, that the penis doesn't make them any less of a woman, etc. I gotta say, as much as I like the feeling of ejaculation, I've been having some fun with vibrators lately and not cumming isn't the worst thing in the world. The buildup can feel almost as good.<br />
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So I don't know what to think at this point. I guess I keep exploring the silicone panties and see where it goes. Maybe that's enough to satisfy me? All I do know is that wearing these should be a requirement for anyone even thinking about transitioning, it's about as close as you can get to having a vagina without having surgery.<br />
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-84861847553323194042019-03-21T17:11:00.000-07:002019-03-21T17:11:10.368-07:00The difference between crossdressing for a fetish, and dressing because it's becoming your lifestyle<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Ok I don't know where to begin so I'm just going to start typing. I hope others discover this blog who are seeking answers. I never thought this day, or realization would come, but it has.<br />
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So pretty much my entire life, fantasizing about being a woman was always a fetish, or kink. I would partake in whatever activity that felt right at that moment. Physically crossdress, read transgender fiction, write transgender fiction, just make up a story in my head because it was quicker, watch porn and pretend I'm the girl, try hypnosis to make myself believe I'm a woman.. You name it, I've probably done it. So here's the difference I'm noticing lately (probably the last few months). In the past, I would do the deed and then I would be done with it. Yes, you know what "the deed" is. I masturbate, and almost immediately the feeling of wanting to be a woman fades. That's why I called this a fetish, because that's what it was to me. It was a tool to get me there, and then when the hormones subsided, I felt like I was ok in my male body. I had no desire to think about it anymore. In fact often, if there was any sort of female attire whether it be clothes, or nails, or makeup, and I had sex with my wife I would often continue wearing those things so she didn't think that's all there was to it. I wanted her to think I was truly transgender and that it WASN'T just a kink. Well, I can honestly say it's not now. My wife has been traveling a lot lately, and I'm really noticing that even after I masturbate, my feelings don't change that much. I will continue to shop for female clothes, research makeup tips, voice tips, etc etc. I shouldn't care about these things, but I do continue to do so. I don't know where this journey is taking me, but the idea of living as a woman continues to be a thought on my mind. At home, at work, it's all I can think about lately. I'm trying make the effort and reach out to locals on fetlife, I'm trying to figure out how I can really pass out in public. I'm pushing my boundries by not caring about neighbors and delivery people see me in pink. In fact I took a new step this week. I know I can't paint my nails without getting looks (especially at work), but I had an epiphany. I decided to sand my nails real smooth, then put a coat of clear on top. I figured if anyone asked (and they haven't all week, again reaffirming my suspicion that people aren't nearly as nosey as I imagine), that I could say I decided to get a manicure and they went a little crazy on the polish. Soo....<br />
1. I love the way the look, the way the light reflects off of them (even if there isn't color).<br />
2. If I don't look down at them, and rub them with my fingers, they feel smooth like acrylic nails which is a great feeling.<br />
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They feel so good on my fingers that I decided to also do my toenails which also look and feel good.<br />
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-91062723407386963022019-03-07T17:03:00.000-08:002019-03-07T17:03:00.022-08:00breastform experiment - 3d print?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I won't say I'm unhappy with my breastforms.. I mean at $92 how can I? I do not however like dealing with the seams (both arms and neck), I don't like how unmatched the color is to my own skin (may fix that if I can figure out silicone painting), and it's still getting warm underneath (and the weather is currently 25 degrees Fahrenheit), I can only imagine how much warmer it's going to feel when it's summer. I literally have a small blister in one area from how warm it got. So what are the alternate options?<div>
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1. I can buy a cheap set of breastforms that looks like silicone that's been literally vacuum sealed for like $40</div>
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2. I can buy slightly better ones for like $150 that have decent silicone material, but they are also very unrealistic looking since they are molded in only 1-2 colors</div>
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3. Go all the way and spend $1200 on the best breastforms money can buy:</div>
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<a href="https://www.realgurl.com/shop/realbreast-standard-one-piece/">https://www.realgurl.com/shop/realbreast-standard-one-piece/</a></div>
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My issue with the last one (yes they look amazing with their imperfect skin and feathered edges that blend into the skin nicely) is not only price, but if you pick the wrong skin tone (or you say.. get tan during the summer), it aint going to match. Sure, maybe I can use makeup to blend it in, but I don't want this hassle. So I'm seriously thinking about 3d printing my own breastforms just to mess around. Yes they will be hard plastic (though I can technically print to a rubber material), but they will also cost me less than a dollar each in material to print (5 hours each). I studied what shape breastforms have, and essentially it looks like a raindrop cut in half.. Soooo, I went ahead and modeled one:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixsGk7zaz6Qr-X70pmBEfBnrOMlZqlf0hfou3Nqh2n7drbAauh_bNhTm-tQu-iNDuKy-PUna6S0xSbcUuZ02fgKxZGIvU_NnEUMAealHMic9Ak5qaS6irpVZvvzLkhvUxX954TPxTYDqq0/s1600/breastform_3dprint.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="597" data-original-width="857" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixsGk7zaz6Qr-X70pmBEfBnrOMlZqlf0hfou3Nqh2n7drbAauh_bNhTm-tQu-iNDuKy-PUna6S0xSbcUuZ02fgKxZGIvU_NnEUMAealHMic9Ak5qaS6irpVZvvzLkhvUxX954TPxTYDqq0/s320/breastform_3dprint.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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If I want them to look decent, I will likely have to fill in the layer lines with bondo (or at the very least try to fill with a good primer), but here's one good thing about plastic... I have an airbrush system, I can get the skintone to my liking with plain acrylic paint. It'll be a neat project for me, and looking through thingiverse there doesn't seem to be anything up there like this.. before you say "well of course, they are boobs", you would be amazed at what's up there. You can print dildos, chastity cock cages, naked female models, etc etc. I probably won't upload this simply because too many people have my thingiverse address (unless maybe I create an alternate TG account).</div>
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As far as applying this to my chest, typically you use a spray adhesive to attach breastforms that run about $30. I did find this 4 oz bottle of medical adhesive with really good reviews for only $12 on amazon:</div>
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Torbot-Adhesive-Barrier-Hypoallergenic-Latex-free/dp/B00JWSD9JU/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=liquid%2Bmedical%2Badhesive&qid=1552005778&s=gateway&sr=8-1&th=1">https://www.amazon.com/Torbot-Adhesive-Barrier-Hypoallergenic-Latex-free/dp/B00JWSD9JU/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=liquid%2Bmedical%2Badhesive&qid=1552005778&s=gateway&sr=8-1&th=1</a></div>
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-21097897849250000032019-03-06T17:41:00.001-08:002019-03-06T17:44:25.201-08:00Feeling more put together, maybe even passable<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I decided to put on my boobs and vagina panties on tonight. I just received my choker from the UK etsy store to help blend the line between silicone boobs and my real skin. With the lace dress I'm wearing, it really goes together (and doesn't look like I'm trying to dress goth)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiygmfhlHv4-IzBmFINaQ069YhauCsqs6PJyjQRHz2KYFXcjFNAAm80pSejjcpeTv-PbPWNaIMAihfEDUckWIO8UigNpqotTHAF3wcs9oc3F8WoeWVVapXBtCXVhFz8sKgVHIn4H2DlNQwk/s1600/5747669333284169545.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="544" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiygmfhlHv4-IzBmFINaQ069YhauCsqs6PJyjQRHz2KYFXcjFNAAm80pSejjcpeTv-PbPWNaIMAihfEDUckWIO8UigNpqotTHAF3wcs9oc3F8WoeWVVapXBtCXVhFz8sKgVHIn4H2DlNQwk/s400/5747669333284169545.jpg" width="271" /></a></div>
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Looking at myself in the mirror (my photo is cropped for privacy reasons), I've never felt more passable. If I had on my nails, makeup, and tossed on a purse I feel like I would actually be comfortable in public and I've never had that feeling like.. ever.</div>
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Also a side effect, because I feel so sexy (and I'm starting to enjoy the feeling of not feeling the penis bulge), it's starting to be a new turn on. Like to the point where I'm almost dripping precum, which is making it wet down there like a woman would be, which is only turning me on even more. Seriously, I've never felt more great in my life than today, and that's saying a lot.<br />
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Another new thing I tried tonight, vibrator.. though not an actual one but my toothbrush. It felt amazing, I've discovered new areas I've never felt before. It's making me want to buy a real vibrator, but like a good one. I've had some in the past for pleasing my wife (and one for anal pleasing me), but neither seem that great because it's basically just speed control. Thinking I want something that ramps up, would feel pretty nice.<br />
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tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3343119622404841298.post-86218655923732952892019-03-02T08:17:00.000-08:002019-03-02T08:17:02.870-08:00I bought a butt - a review<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
From Aliexpress of course:<br />
<a href="https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Roanyer-Crossdressing-hip-enhancer-silicone-Panties-Drag-Queen-Shemale-crossdresser-Transgender-Sexy-buttocks-Soft-Underwear/32858087811.html?spm=a2g0s.9042311.0.0.40694c4dbke6ab">https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Roanyer-Crossdressing-hip-enhancer-silicone-Panties-Drag-Queen-Shemale-crossdresser-Transgender-Sexy-buttocks-Soft-Underwear/32858087811.html?spm=a2g0s.9042311.0.0.40694c4dbke6ab</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE2ZY91gsRlPLMCCcqBmHnCCTiox-Om1noU4mrlLUXxsuQHlRscOo0Y09EN9Dmi7GtCF1u6u3gRdHg-LAWbm7NysUoQ7wHq983wJKcYVjGtKoDrg3Vv0fkTr5ByS3xDXydGDC4dcH7q_wr/s1600/silicone_butt.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="465" data-original-width="371" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE2ZY91gsRlPLMCCcqBmHnCCTiox-Om1noU4mrlLUXxsuQHlRscOo0Y09EN9Dmi7GtCF1u6u3gRdHg-LAWbm7NysUoQ7wHq983wJKcYVjGtKoDrg3Vv0fkTr5ByS3xDXydGDC4dcH7q_wr/s320/silicone_butt.png" width="255" /></a></div>
So this is basically the same seller, same medical silicone that stretches like crazy just like the boobs I bought. This was on sale for $190 when I bought them (I notice that aliexpress sellers fluctuate prices a lot). As with most of these silicone products, it's usually a good idea too wash them down with soap as they outgas during molding, and this is getting attached to a rather sensitive area of your body.<br />
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So right off the bat, the hips and butt were not as wide as I would have liked. It does add a little bit, but not like the photo is showing (perhaps if I had a smaller frame it would be more proportionate). It does seem to pull in your stomach a bit, though the top does want to roll down when you bend over. I opted for the urination pouch. Yes, you stick your penis in, and you're supposed to be able to urinate through the clit. At first when I started to push, I noticed that precum was pushing out at first, even making a bubble at first. Apparently wearing this was turning me on, but it's hard to tell because you aren't getting a boner wearing this. Now I gotta say it is not easy pushing urine. I don't know if I have to retrain my brain, or there's so much gap between the end of my penis and the outhole that I'm having to fill that pocket of air with urine before it pushes out. Ideally they should have narrowed it down to a thinner tube so it's more like your body's urine tube instead of a hose. Also if you have any gas, you will feel that bubble travel up your back.<br />
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So I went to bed with both this and my boobs on (both a first). I have to say laying down you REALLY feel what it's like to have a female body. You have your boobs propping you up as you lay on your side, and you feel nothing down below. It's interesting to put your hand down there and feel no penis, but feel a clit (even if it's fake). Two things that weren't comfortable with the butt at all:<br />
1. The silicone is really warm, blankets making it worse. You may even get heat rash in some areas.<br />
2. The hips (even being soft silicone) don't give like your body does, and even though I have a foam mattress it starts to dig in a little bit when you're lying on your side. I eventually had to pull them off at 5am when the dogs woke us up.<br />
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So should you buy a pair? I'd say absolutely yes. Cross dressing is one thing, but there is no feeling like your body having a new shape with butt, hips, flat front, and boobs sticking out and making your clothes look correct. There's also something to feeling aroused and not having it get ruined by a boner. It's a feeling I can't describe, but it just feels more right. That feeling was more real when cum was dripping from my clit making me warm down there.</div>
tg_captionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15015206450712314680noreply@blogger.com0