What a weekend, taking baby steps!

So this past friday I got home early as usual.  My wife works from home, but she wasn't going to be done with work for a couple hours.  So I decided to dress up since it was the weekend.  I wore that sunflower top I got from rosegal, a pair of my black lacey pants, my new sandals, wig, earrings, short french manicured false nails..  I felt really good, feeling feminine without being over the top (dress, heels, the usual drill).  I actually had some good cleavage too, like passable.  Wife comes down, sort of surprised to see me dressed up.  She goes "I guess we aren't going to dinner", and I'm like "Why, were you planning on going out?".  To preface that statement, we rarely go out to dinner.  Not because I'm a bad husband, because she doesn't typically enjoy going out.  The times we do "eat out" it's usually me picking it up on the way home, or ordering out.  I half jokingly said "I look pretty good right now, don't tempt me".  she asked "Do you want to?", to which of course I said no.. But felt good knowing she would be ok going out in public with me dressed up.

So after behaving and eating healthy all week, we decided to have a cheat night.  We ordered from a chain fish place through uber eats.  Now I'm still dressed, so of course she asked "Do I need to answer the door?", and I go no.  She's like "are you sure?", and I say yes.  Uber driver comes to the door, it's a spanish looking woman maybe in her mid 30's?  I say "thank you" in the softest voice I can.  I always try to read their face to see if I can read their reaction.  She didn't seem to flinch, not to say she isn't questioning why this giant woman is answering the door.

So then the next morning comes, and my wife decides she wants bbq from the ribfest going on a few blocks away.  I'm no longer dressed but still have my short french nails on.  I drive down, park the car, and walk in not really caring that much if people see my nails.  It's early in the day so there aren't a ton of people either.

Saturday night rolls around, I've had several nails pops off.  For whatever reason, sometimes the shorter nails have more issues than the longer ones.  I believe the curve on the short ones don't match my nails, and therefore there's always a force trying to pry them away.  Lot of people that review nail adhesive on amazon have mixed reviews, and it's because all of them are using different nails.  After I put the longer ones on, I could feel how strong they felt.

Next morning I had to drive her to the airport, long frilly nails still holding strong.  I'm helping get bags out of the back, everyone clearly busy also dropping off family.  I head towards home knowing I'm low on gas.  I stop at a gas station, still nobody looking at my nails.  I stop at an automatic car wash, no weird looks from the attendant.  I stop at the grocery store, grab about 5-6 items, reaching for stuff on shelves, many housewives shopping early in the morning, no weird looks or comments.  I do use self checkout but sort of wishing I had used a human checkout person.

So after reflecting on this past weekend, I'm really feeling that if I continue to take baby steps I can build up my confidence to go out dressed up.  Might start with a car ride, maybe a drive through.. see where it goes from there.

Rosegal (plus sizes).. kinda sucks

So I tried YET another one of those import clothing stores.  Pretty sure it was a facebook ad that showed some cute outfits.  I sprung $70 on 4 items, shipping included.  It shipped in 2 orders, the first one took a week to fullfill, then the usual 10-15 days to get here from China.  Here's the first 2 things:
https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-t-shirts/plus-size-ruffle-polka-dot-t-shirt-2312750.html

https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-leggings/3d-jean-print-plus-size-mini-leggings-7347248.html

So the first top is a bit too short, clearly made for someone more petite than me.  The shorts are literally printed yoga like material.. They aren't terrible, but up close it doesn't look nearly as realistic.

So then a week goes by, still haven't received the rest of my stuff.  I contact customer service, they inform me one thing is still on backorder.  They ask if I want to cancel that one thing or substitute for something else.  I find another top to substitute, and they say it'll get swapped out and shipped the next day.  few more days go by, still shows the same items.. Then suddenly it shows shipped, but the substitute isn't in there.  When the package arrives, sure enough they didn't swap it out (which I was pissed off at the time), but receiving it I'm glad it didn't get swapped out.

So the first item is this:
https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-t-shirts/plus-size-ruched-flounce-peplum-t-shirt-7366543.html

Looks great right?  Looks puffy and cute?  It's not, it's like literally a t-shirt with some frilly fringe attached, looks terrible.

Second top (that didn't get swapped out) I'm totally digging.  Good quality, really cute:
https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-t-shirts/plus-size-open-shoulder-sunflower-print-keyhole-t-shirt-7384929.html

Would I order again from this company?  Probably not.

3d printed shoes on hold...

I still want to make them, but the sandals I ordered on aliexpress ended up fitting (with a slight modification to the top strap):
https://www.aliexpress.com/item/32968412298.html?spm=a2g0s.9042311.0.0.2a514c4dh5mnTg

In fact I'm tempted to order another pair, maybe one in each color just to have them.

shoes 4 u - part two

So I'm doing it.. and I've realized tracing my foot is stupid because that's not how shoes are made.. So I instead traced one of my sneakers for the shape, and it looked far more normal.  I've also opted to only make a 3" wedge heel to save material.  I'm also printing in sections (bottom chunk, top thin piece).  It's not that different from real shoes.  They have the bottom chunk, the straps get glued to that, then a thin piece is glued on top keeping everything clean.

Because I still don't have a 3d printer big enough to print the entire shoe shape in one shot, I've also had to split it in half (but good enough for proof of concept).  I'll have 1/4-20 bolts going through a chunky center to join the 2 halves.  I don't know how well I'll be able walk in them, but I'm mostly building them to work out all the assembly issues:

So this is what it will look like when printed.  In the base will be brass threaded inserts that get heat-staked into the base, and then screws on top attach the thin top to the bottom:

 This is my strap layout.. one going over at the toes, and then a criss-cross pattern for the rest.  I'd really like a back strap to really lock it in, but again at this point I'm just seeing if this is even feasible.

So last night I printed my first chunk in the front, and I'm using some 3/4" elastic as the straps for now.. I don't want to have to deal with leather right now.  I have to say, even with minimal ribbed walls in the base it feels strong (I was able to walk on it just fine).  There's slight creaking, but I also weigh 300lbs.  Once I have something that works, I would probably opt to add more walls, or possibly fill in all the gaps with that foam you use to seal up cracks in walls.  This should give better support and make it more squishy.  I placed the quarter next to it just to show the scale of how big size 17 womens feet are.

crossdress custom wedge shoes large feet size 16 size 17 size 18

No shoes for you!

So early on in my crossdressing life which was somewhere around 16-17 years old, it became very clear I was going to be stuck wearing womens dress shoes.  I wear a size 14-15 mens, which is 16-17 womens.  Let me tell you there are no manufacturers that make female sneakers in those sizes, nor do they make wedge sandals in that size.  As if fitting in wasn't hard enough, it's even harder when you can't dress casual to fit in.

So I finally said "that's it, I'm going to figure out a way to buy womens casual shoes if it kills me".  I searched aliexpress to see if there's some chinese factory that might cater to this, nope.  Etsy! of course, lots of homemade items on there including shoes.  I contact the 4 sellers on there that seem to cater to such a thing, all of them pretty much say the same thing.  A size 49 Euro doesn't exist as a pattern, and therefore they can't produce in that size.  Now I realize that might be true, but if you're truly a shoemaker wouldn't you try to cater to the customer?  I even offered extra money for the additional material and headache, they still said no.

At this point I'm beyond frustration.  Not being able to buy clothing is like making being transgender illegal.  I got really depressed because while I was pretty sure I was stuck, confirming it makes it much more real.  Then it hit me, I'm an engineer.  I'll make my own dam shoes if it kills me!

Now there are certainly a lot of challenges and uphill battles, the first being that my foot barely fits on a standard sheet of paper.  Size 17 womens means my foot is just over 12 inches long, or 300mm.  However, if I rotate my foot diagonally on the sheet of paper, it JUST fits.  So after I have my foot traced out, I scanned it in, and then I can trace that in a vector program to clean it up.  Once I had my 2D vector file, I imported it into solidworks and started figuring out the best way to turn a flat vector into a heel.  I found that converting it to sheet metal I could add a bend, then I can extrude the chunky underneath.  I cut out a chunk in the center to reduce printing time (because I was sure I wasn't getting it right on the first try), and managed to squeeze it down to a 10 hour print job.  I also had to print at 90% scale since it still doesn't quite fit on my bed (8.5" x 8.5") but figured that was close enough.  This morning I woke up to a finished part on my printer bed

I put my foot over it, and while it's a tad small, it felt like a shoe.  I now realize that the foot has an arch when you extend it, so the flat I modeled is incorrect

I've updated the model this morning, and it's starting to look much closer to a real heel bottom.  Not only is the arch correct, but I also tapered the sides so the bottom is a slightly smaller footprint.

chaturbate - Seeing the before/after SRS

So I've read plenty of stories of people transitioning.  Words are one thing, but to actually see the before/after I have to admit is a little shocking (and not something we normally get to see), until things like chaturbate came about.  I follow anyone that's interesting on chaturbate, I follow about 18 people.  There is a user that goes by the name Ruby Fiera.  I think I only followed her because she seemed classy (good webcam, good lighting, nice background).  Often you'll see her shelf of high heels.  The other day she pops up and I'm like "woah wait a minute, where's her cock"?  I scroll down, had SRS.

So another question that pops into my head.. Do her donations go down?  Seems the audience is usually geared towards seeing a female body with a penis.  Is she now competing with the dozens of other women on chaturbate now?

social media accounts crosslinked - my biggest fear

So I'm starting to subscribe to more transgender videos on my alternate transgender gmail account.  I came across this video that quite frankly spooks me (though the video itself is adorable as it's a transexual girlfriend dating a guy that it would seem has come out as genderfluid).
https://youtu.be/51HbzsFhh04

Anyway, he talks about how he made an alternate Instagram account, and because of the way the algorithm works it makes suggestions of "people you may know".  And since apparently he posted photos of himself in his house, one friend recognized who it was, and told other friends, who told other friends, and before he knew it he was outed.

Now myself, I'm basically on 4 social media accounts that I'm active on:
Facebook (I attempted to make a female persona account, but I knew better because of what facebook is trying to achieve so I gave up on it)
Instagram - I only have one account as my male self
Snapchat - I only have one account as my male self
Twitter - I have my main male account (which I'm rarely ever on any more), I have a specific hobby account that I only follow relevant hobby people/companies, and then I have my female persona twitter account.

Now I will say for the last one, I do in my feeds see suggestions to other people, and I'm guessing that if I see those other people do too.  Since I rarely tweet from either of my male accounts, and twitter seems so dead these days, and even if you WERE active most people don't seek out new random people they don't know, I feel fairly safe.  I suppose if someone really wanted to sleuth me out and figure out that I had a female persona, I would hope most of my friends would accept that part of me.

Getting back to the video though, it is interesting that he says most of his friends "accepted it", however they don't want to know about it or hear about it.  Btw, without clicking try to guess which one is the genderfluid male:

I'm guessing if he worked on his voice, he could be very passable in public.