TG dreams - 2 nights in a row

This pandemic is making me have bizzarre dreams, but sometimes those dreams are nice.

Dream One: I was completely dressed up and on a date.  My date had no idea I was trans.  Then we ended up going by my work (which wasn't actually my work) but there was an issue with some paperwork.  My work didn't know I was trans so I had to use my male voice to explain to my co-workers what was wrong so they knew it was me.  It was at that point my date bailed, and I was like "really? that's what turned you off?"

Dream Two: I was hanging out with friends at the white house, and the dream implied that I was the first lady (but I knew I wasn't a woman) which made it weirder.  I was dressed as myself, but I found myself keep wanting to explore the wardrobe.  When I finally did, my friends started to leave.  The dressing room was gigantic with the most incredible dresses, shoes, and jewelry.  Over and over I kept questioning if I could dress up and pull this off.

short TG dream last night / coronavirus masks

So I dreamt last night that I was sitting in a lazy-boy chair in a living room.  I was aware there were other people in the room but don't remember who they were.  Some woman was wanting to test some lipstick, and she scanned the room, and walked over to me (I'm guessing because I had the fullest lips).  I let her do it without questioning it whatsoever.  She walked away, and then suddenly in the dream I was walking to some appointment.  There was lots of stone and stairways, and I felt subconscious about walking around as a dude with lipstick on.  I saw a group of people coming so I hid behind a wall and starting looking at youtube videos on my phone.  As a group of girls passed by, one turned towards me and asks "What's your name?".  I wasn't sure if she was curious who I was, or if she did that on purpose to out me.  As I began to speak, two things went through my mind.

1. I hadn't practiced a female voice

2. I couldn't come up with one of my female persona names

So I ended up just sort of letting out a "baaa guhhh", and then she turned away and continued walking along.

So this brings up my next point.  We've been in isolation for about 6 weeks, and I've been wearing a mask in public for probably the past 3-4 weeks for my own safety and others (but it's been mandated as of the beginning of the month).  This was brought up on fetlife (not like I haven't had this thought myself).  With the 6-foot rule, plus everyone wearing masks (and everyone generally trying to avoid each other), and the likeliness of being confronted is VERY low, it would seem that right now is a perfect time to try crossdressing in public.  You're 6 feet from everyone, half your face is covered (so not only are you not recognizable but you're covering the part of your body that's likely the least female), plus with a mask your speech is going to tend to be muffled so even speaking is sort of helped by this).  I almost feel like if I don't take advantage of this time I'm missing out.

been a while

So I've been super busy the past 3 months.  Between a hot project at work and going to school 2 nights a week (plus running a home business on the side) I have had nearly no time for crossdressing.  I've dressed up maybe 1-2 times in all that time and it's been killing me.  So my wife is on a business trip this week, and you would think I would jump on it, but because I've been away from it so long I didn't have the motivation.

The other thing I've been up to, been on a new "diet" since mid-september, though it's not really a diet because diet usually means restrictive.  This is a different way of looking at eating and it's allowed me to lose 20lbs in just 2-1/2 months.

Last night I caught up with all the blogger pages I follow on here and that sorta got me in the mood a little.  Then I stumbled on these odd youtube videos of using GTA as machima to act out a hooker situation with online friends.  While they were just messing around, the fact that probably straight guys were playing the female hookers got me sorta hot
https://youtu.be/7Cl5oq6BXuI

Was going to dress last night but just got sidetracked by work and keeping up with the impeachment debate.

So then this morning at the last minute I decided to dress up half-ass before work.  Wig, silicone boobs, silicone vagina panties, tight sheer black dress.  I liked what I saw in the mirror, and I was feeling sexy.  So of course pressed for time I grabbed my hitachi magic wand and went to town.    I started rubbing my hips and boobs, and it felt nice to feel my curves.  Within about a minute I was orgasming big time.  Then realized the mess I would have to cleanup after undressing, but man it was worth it.  It was about the closest I've ever felt to a female orgasm so far.

the negative side of the transgender community

While we all try to remain positive, there's always that dark side of our world that we're all aware of but don't want to admit or talk about.  There was a post last week on fetlife that really affected me, at the very least never want to attempt to transition.  The post basically says they are done transitioning for good.  All of her online and offline friends have blackmailed and extorted her (including those in the trans community).  Her reputation and career has been sabotaged, and she has been raped 5 times.

Now granted, we have no idea what the backstory is, it's just a rambling post.  However if you follow trans social media and news, you know that being trans is an uphill battle.  If you do come out, you potentially lose a lot of family and friends that don't support your life choice.  The same goes for employers.  While many states have protection, many don't and can literally fire people for being trans.

My trans life is very secretive.  Other than this blog and my fetlife account (which does have photos of me dressed up), the only person that really knows about my lifestyle is my wife.  And we wonder why some of us stay in the closet?  It's that horrendous fear that someone in our circle will find out about us and not be on board with supporting our lifestyle.  This could be as tame as simply ignoring the elephant in the room, to full on sabotage of wanting to out us and ruin our lives.  You hear about people only dressing up when they travel and I can see why.  The odds of you running into someone you know is about .001%.  Dressing up in your own area the odds are pretty good.  I blogged about this before.. I decided to wear nails and go grocery shopping, and damned if I didn't see a co-worker shopping there.  Murphy's law isn't just a saying.. if things can go wrong, it will go wrong.

recurring dream?

So I vividly remembered a dream, but what was weird is I didn't remember I had a similar dream until I revisited the same scenario.  So the first dream that I'm now remembering was that I was a drag queen at some bar/restaurant somewhere in a mall.  I don't remember what I was wearing in the first dream other than I had on heels.  This second dream it started out as me walking through the mall with the thought that I was on my way to work but didn't know what the job was.  I looked at my watch and saw that it was 6pm which was when I started... I walked to where I thought my job was, only to find that the store front was covered up.  I was like "what the hell?  Did they close? what's going on?".  I walked around a few times and when I circled back I finally realized that they had covered up the entrance with a giant white wall with a subtle swinging door for the entrance.  Once I walked through there it lead me down a long hallway, and then through the front entrance.  As I walked through the restaurant I could see several drag queens walking around prepping for the night.  For some reason one of the drag queens was William Belli and as I walked by she looked up, said "heyyyy" and did a little jig and I did a jig back.  I walked to the back room where the dressing room was.  I had a coat on to cover up my yellow floral dress, and had on bright yellow nike gym shoes.  I started to get my heels on and get ready to do my makeup.  It felt like a newish job, and I wasn't really sure what my role was.  Was I a performer?  Was I a bartender? A waitress?  Hostess?  I was worried how tiring this type of job of standing for a long time was going to be.

I wondered this morning why I was having a recurring dream about being a drag queen.  I have been super busy lately and haven't really had time for dressing up, so perhaps this was my brain's way of dealing with not being able to do so in real life.

What a weekend, taking baby steps!

So this past friday I got home early as usual.  My wife works from home, but she wasn't going to be done with work for a couple hours.  So I decided to dress up since it was the weekend.  I wore that sunflower top I got from rosegal, a pair of my black lacey pants, my new sandals, wig, earrings, short french manicured false nails..  I felt really good, feeling feminine without being over the top (dress, heels, the usual drill).  I actually had some good cleavage too, like passable.  Wife comes down, sort of surprised to see me dressed up.  She goes "I guess we aren't going to dinner", and I'm like "Why, were you planning on going out?".  To preface that statement, we rarely go out to dinner.  Not because I'm a bad husband, because she doesn't typically enjoy going out.  The times we do "eat out" it's usually me picking it up on the way home, or ordering out.  I half jokingly said "I look pretty good right now, don't tempt me".  she asked "Do you want to?", to which of course I said no.. But felt good knowing she would be ok going out in public with me dressed up.

So after behaving and eating healthy all week, we decided to have a cheat night.  We ordered from a chain fish place through uber eats.  Now I'm still dressed, so of course she asked "Do I need to answer the door?", and I go no.  She's like "are you sure?", and I say yes.  Uber driver comes to the door, it's a spanish looking woman maybe in her mid 30's?  I say "thank you" in the softest voice I can.  I always try to read their face to see if I can read their reaction.  She didn't seem to flinch, not to say she isn't questioning why this giant woman is answering the door.

So then the next morning comes, and my wife decides she wants bbq from the ribfest going on a few blocks away.  I'm no longer dressed but still have my short french nails on.  I drive down, park the car, and walk in not really caring that much if people see my nails.  It's early in the day so there aren't a ton of people either.

Saturday night rolls around, I've had several nails pops off.  For whatever reason, sometimes the shorter nails have more issues than the longer ones.  I believe the curve on the short ones don't match my nails, and therefore there's always a force trying to pry them away.  Lot of people that review nail adhesive on amazon have mixed reviews, and it's because all of them are using different nails.  After I put the longer ones on, I could feel how strong they felt.

Next morning I had to drive her to the airport, long frilly nails still holding strong.  I'm helping get bags out of the back, everyone clearly busy also dropping off family.  I head towards home knowing I'm low on gas.  I stop at a gas station, still nobody looking at my nails.  I stop at an automatic car wash, no weird looks from the attendant.  I stop at the grocery store, grab about 5-6 items, reaching for stuff on shelves, many housewives shopping early in the morning, no weird looks or comments.  I do use self checkout but sort of wishing I had used a human checkout person.

So after reflecting on this past weekend, I'm really feeling that if I continue to take baby steps I can build up my confidence to go out dressed up.  Might start with a car ride, maybe a drive through.. see where it goes from there.

Rosegal (plus sizes).. kinda sucks

So I tried YET another one of those import clothing stores.  Pretty sure it was a facebook ad that showed some cute outfits.  I sprung $70 on 4 items, shipping included.  It shipped in 2 orders, the first one took a week to fullfill, then the usual 10-15 days to get here from China.  Here's the first 2 things:
https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-t-shirts/plus-size-ruffle-polka-dot-t-shirt-2312750.html

https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-leggings/3d-jean-print-plus-size-mini-leggings-7347248.html

So the first top is a bit too short, clearly made for someone more petite than me.  The shorts are literally printed yoga like material.. They aren't terrible, but up close it doesn't look nearly as realistic.

So then a week goes by, still haven't received the rest of my stuff.  I contact customer service, they inform me one thing is still on backorder.  They ask if I want to cancel that one thing or substitute for something else.  I find another top to substitute, and they say it'll get swapped out and shipped the next day.  few more days go by, still shows the same items.. Then suddenly it shows shipped, but the substitute isn't in there.  When the package arrives, sure enough they didn't swap it out (which I was pissed off at the time), but receiving it I'm glad it didn't get swapped out.

So the first item is this:
https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-t-shirts/plus-size-ruched-flounce-peplum-t-shirt-7366543.html

Looks great right?  Looks puffy and cute?  It's not, it's like literally a t-shirt with some frilly fringe attached, looks terrible.

Second top (that didn't get swapped out) I'm totally digging.  Good quality, really cute:
https://www.rosegal.com/plus-size-t-shirts/plus-size-open-shoulder-sunflower-print-keyhole-t-shirt-7384929.html

Would I order again from this company?  Probably not.