So some of you that follow my tgfictionmania.blogspot.com blog may have decided to check this one out. I feel like when I ramble on that site (which was meant as entertainment and fantasy, not to bring viewers down), I end up losing my audience. So if you're the type of person that finds people's lives interesting, go ahead and hit the follow button the right. I decided to start this so I could start laying my feelings out to the world anonymously after reading this blog:
http://gynandromorphophilia.blogspot.in/2013/07/journal-of-crossdreamer.html
I feel like I need to back up a bit before I get into my current life. I've been a crossdresser nearly as long as I can remember. I can remember climbing into my parent's closet as a very young kid (probably 5-6), and looking at all my mom's heels. They were so different than any of the shoes I had, my brother had, my father had. I liked them, they were so colorful and interestingly shaped. To me, boys were boring (and for the most part, I still share that opinion). I remember my mom also had this interesting black and silver glittery blouse that I believe she wore for halloween (she was also some sort of PTA something or other for my school). I remember thinking how cool looking that shirt was. It reminded me of some of the tshirts I had (in the early 80s, often tshirts were outlined with glittery borders). But I thought "Hey, that's a WHOLE shirt made of that stuff!"
Anyway, those thoughts were in the back of my head for a while, but they never really meant much to me. Then when I started approaching teen years (say 12), I started noticing girls. Not in that way, more like "hey, I like prettiness". My parents also divorced when I was 12 btw. It wasn't long after that I had a memory of walking down the local mall, and noticing that there was an entire section of women's shops. Back then you didn't have unisex, you didn't have men's stores like banana republic or buckle, or whatever is trendy these days. You had dozens of women's boutiques (because women spent time and money at malls), and then for the most part men shopped at places like Sears and JcPenny. That's right, we shopped at the same stores that sold appliances and tools, because that's what men did. I chalked it up to my Dad just being frugal knowing the clothes at stores like this wouldn't cost as much, but I honestly think he would have been quite annoyed if I took interest in trendy clothing.
During school while most boys were checking out the girls because they wanted sex, I was admiring their clothes, their jewelry, their hair, their makeup. At that point I don't think I was still even thinking about crossdressing, I was just admiring how girls could make themselves more attractive by applying all of these things to themselves. Seriously, even the heavyset or ugly girls, with the right look could pull off beauty. I think it was around 15-16 was when the feelings really started getting strong. I remember stealing eyeliner from one of my brother's girlfriends. I poorly hid it under the sink in the bathroom, and eventually my dad found it and asked why it was there. I just shrugged it off like I had no idea. Then one of my brother's girlfriends (really cute and petite italian girl) decided to move in. To make matters worse, somehow my brother convinced her to become a local stripper (not kidding) so she had lots of beautiful clothes, and a giant flowery duffle bag full of lingerie (talk about a kid in a candy store). I remember being so scared to try anything on. I stuck to bras that weren't showy (ones that she probably wore on a regular basis). I remember looking at the clasps, so foreign to me (none of my clothing had anything like that). Since I was still young, even though I was a heavy kid, it still fit me (sorta). I started to get cocky and try on some of the tops and dresses, knowing my limit when I heard seams starting to rip a bit. I figured nobody would be any wiser, but I remember hearing an argument where she blamed my brother for not knowing how to do laundry properly. Little did she know I was trying her stuff on.
Eventually my brother moved out, but I knew I wanted to dress up like a girl, with my own stuff. But I didn't know how, nor did I know how I was going to pull it off. My dad pretty much left me alone, but I still worried about him poking around. I didn't have the courage to just go to the store and shop for women's clothing (and honestly to this day, I still hardly do). I could mail-order, but I'm certain my dad would question why there's a package addressed to me from lane bryant, or fredericks of hollywood. So I did what any kid would do, plop down my $3/month and get a PO box. That's right, I could get catalogs sent there, clothing, whatever the hell I wanted. I remember how excited I got when they handed me the keys. It was almost like getting keys to your first apartment. Here I had a secret drop off spot where I could get anything I wanted, and I did. I remember the first thing I bought was a black dress with a ribbed folding neckline and a belt (and I still have that dress to this day, so glad I kept it). I remember the first time I slipped it over my head, a feeling of completeness (and horniess) washed over me. I sat on the toilet and just soaked it in for 5-10 minutes. I got my first taste, and I wanted more. I wanted to know what a wig felt like, what nylons felt like, heels, jewelry, I wanted it all. I had a meager job working as a janitor, so I couldn't go crazy, but I knew eventually I would own many things.
Let's also not forget I had to figure out a place to keep all of this. My grand idea: find a moving box, and stuff all of it in there, and bury it in my messy closet. You know what, my father never did realize what was in that box for the next 5 years. So long as I kept my room clean, he didn't give a crap about how messy the closet was. Since my dad had an odd schedule (he left for work around 3am), Most mornings I would wake up early just to crossdress. My community college class might not have started till 9-10am, but I was up at 5am trying on my clothes, styling my wig, trying on clip-on earrings.
To be continued...............
http://gynandromorphophilia.blogspot.in/2013/07/journal-of-crossdreamer.html
I feel like I need to back up a bit before I get into my current life. I've been a crossdresser nearly as long as I can remember. I can remember climbing into my parent's closet as a very young kid (probably 5-6), and looking at all my mom's heels. They were so different than any of the shoes I had, my brother had, my father had. I liked them, they were so colorful and interestingly shaped. To me, boys were boring (and for the most part, I still share that opinion). I remember my mom also had this interesting black and silver glittery blouse that I believe she wore for halloween (she was also some sort of PTA something or other for my school). I remember thinking how cool looking that shirt was. It reminded me of some of the tshirts I had (in the early 80s, often tshirts were outlined with glittery borders). But I thought "Hey, that's a WHOLE shirt made of that stuff!"
Anyway, those thoughts were in the back of my head for a while, but they never really meant much to me. Then when I started approaching teen years (say 12), I started noticing girls. Not in that way, more like "hey, I like prettiness". My parents also divorced when I was 12 btw. It wasn't long after that I had a memory of walking down the local mall, and noticing that there was an entire section of women's shops. Back then you didn't have unisex, you didn't have men's stores like banana republic or buckle, or whatever is trendy these days. You had dozens of women's boutiques (because women spent time and money at malls), and then for the most part men shopped at places like Sears and JcPenny. That's right, we shopped at the same stores that sold appliances and tools, because that's what men did. I chalked it up to my Dad just being frugal knowing the clothes at stores like this wouldn't cost as much, but I honestly think he would have been quite annoyed if I took interest in trendy clothing.
During school while most boys were checking out the girls because they wanted sex, I was admiring their clothes, their jewelry, their hair, their makeup. At that point I don't think I was still even thinking about crossdressing, I was just admiring how girls could make themselves more attractive by applying all of these things to themselves. Seriously, even the heavyset or ugly girls, with the right look could pull off beauty. I think it was around 15-16 was when the feelings really started getting strong. I remember stealing eyeliner from one of my brother's girlfriends. I poorly hid it under the sink in the bathroom, and eventually my dad found it and asked why it was there. I just shrugged it off like I had no idea. Then one of my brother's girlfriends (really cute and petite italian girl) decided to move in. To make matters worse, somehow my brother convinced her to become a local stripper (not kidding) so she had lots of beautiful clothes, and a giant flowery duffle bag full of lingerie (talk about a kid in a candy store). I remember being so scared to try anything on. I stuck to bras that weren't showy (ones that she probably wore on a regular basis). I remember looking at the clasps, so foreign to me (none of my clothing had anything like that). Since I was still young, even though I was a heavy kid, it still fit me (sorta). I started to get cocky and try on some of the tops and dresses, knowing my limit when I heard seams starting to rip a bit. I figured nobody would be any wiser, but I remember hearing an argument where she blamed my brother for not knowing how to do laundry properly. Little did she know I was trying her stuff on.
Eventually my brother moved out, but I knew I wanted to dress up like a girl, with my own stuff. But I didn't know how, nor did I know how I was going to pull it off. My dad pretty much left me alone, but I still worried about him poking around. I didn't have the courage to just go to the store and shop for women's clothing (and honestly to this day, I still hardly do). I could mail-order, but I'm certain my dad would question why there's a package addressed to me from lane bryant, or fredericks of hollywood. So I did what any kid would do, plop down my $3/month and get a PO box. That's right, I could get catalogs sent there, clothing, whatever the hell I wanted. I remember how excited I got when they handed me the keys. It was almost like getting keys to your first apartment. Here I had a secret drop off spot where I could get anything I wanted, and I did. I remember the first thing I bought was a black dress with a ribbed folding neckline and a belt (and I still have that dress to this day, so glad I kept it). I remember the first time I slipped it over my head, a feeling of completeness (and horniess) washed over me. I sat on the toilet and just soaked it in for 5-10 minutes. I got my first taste, and I wanted more. I wanted to know what a wig felt like, what nylons felt like, heels, jewelry, I wanted it all. I had a meager job working as a janitor, so I couldn't go crazy, but I knew eventually I would own many things.
Let's also not forget I had to figure out a place to keep all of this. My grand idea: find a moving box, and stuff all of it in there, and bury it in my messy closet. You know what, my father never did realize what was in that box for the next 5 years. So long as I kept my room clean, he didn't give a crap about how messy the closet was. Since my dad had an odd schedule (he left for work around 3am), Most mornings I would wake up early just to crossdress. My community college class might not have started till 9-10am, but I was up at 5am trying on my clothes, styling my wig, trying on clip-on earrings.
To be continued...............
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