Tuesday, November 15, 2016

handjob fixation

I've been noticing lately that after I've done the deed (perhaps twice).. perhaps twice, then again in 12 hours (I'm empty, I'm sore, I've binged) that I'll still crave masturbation.  And because I can't fill that need, sometimes I find that my mind wanders into the fantasy of giving handjobs.  I'm not horny, but I want to stroke a cock.  I suppose it makes sense, orgasms release endorphins, so naturally my body starts craving it even if I can't provide.  It's sort of like when you've eaten, you're full.. and for some reason you get a craving to eat (usually sugar or salt), and you go "huh?  body, I'm full.. this is why you're fat!".  You can't blame your body, both sugar and salt are addictive additives.  So what do you do?  You could chew some food and spit it out (yuck), or do what many of us do, chew gum.  It satisfies that chewing without taking in calories.  If only there was a gum version of masterbating.

Monday, September 5, 2016

could LGBTQ be nature's way of balancing things?

So I finished up season 2 of "wayward pines", and the big impact with me is how they chose half the town's population that would be saved in the cryogenic tubes based on who was the most worthy and strong.  People left behind included the mother of the leader who was unable to bear children.  Another one left was the gay school boy because.. well he's gay, and he also won't procreate.

I get that aspect, you're trying to make the human race survive, so they need to maximize children to repopulate a world full of abbies that want us dead because they are the next generation.  Think about today, we live in a world where on average the population doubles every 38 years, and we are currently at 7.4 billion people (which is estimated to be 11 billion by 2100).  When you look at the stats for how many people in each country, it's amazing to think that more than 1/3 is the population of just China and India alone (USA ranks number 3 with just 324 million people).  Obviously the worry of over populating the earth is not having enough food for everyone.  Over-fishing, over-farming, injecting livestock with hormones to make them grow faster, putting out lower quality food as a result.  Nature always tries to balance itself.  If there are too many people, somehow by magic murders and diseases tend to go up.  One could argue that the gay community is nothing more than nature's way of reducing how many children we have (and perhaps, adopting orphans that would otherwise grow up and end up committing crimes from having a rough childhood that is unloved).  So while the homophobic community might have issues with our community, they should be grateful we are helping to balance the population.

Monday, August 22, 2016

crossdressed late night

So my wife's out of town.. Just before she left I got my portable closet from amazon.  Having clothes, shoes, and wigs spread out like they ought to be is quite nice.  It's crazy I dug through a cardboard box all these years.

Last night I crossdressed, but I started late because I had to time letting the dogs out.  Right now they are going outside in the front until I deal with a bug problem in the back (where I would normally go un-noticed being dressed up).  I started around 6pm, and didn't finish until 8 (yes, 2 hours).  I was actually shocked when I looked at the clock.  Dogs were sleeping on the couch the whole time, now in the dark when I got finished.

So I went upstairs, took a shower.  Started by shaving my legs with electric clippers (I prefer this method because it gets the bulk of hair), and depending on my mood I may follow up with a razor to get a closer shave.  Since I was wearing hose, I opted not to.  I then began to shave my arms, and then the razor started to sound like it was struggling so I opened it up, cleaned out the hair, and put it back together.  I then finished shaving my arms, hands a little closer shaved, shaved my chest, stomach, but opted for scissors around the pubic area.  Having a shaver that close scares me.. I can only imagine slipping and having a serious bleeding problem that could require medical attention.

I did decide to shave my chest and stomach so my top looked good.  I then threw on panties and a bra, and started on my makeup.  I start with foundation, and this time I used a couple different ones in layers.  I then powdered with a couple different colors, then I add blush.  Then I move up to the eyes, this time opting to start with white at the top, and charcoal on the lids, fading up on the sides a little.  I then move into gluing my fake lashes on which can sometimes take a couple tries.  If most of it sticks and only one side is curling up, I won't start over but instead opt to apply glue directly to my lid and push it down.  Even though the glue is clearish (leaves a blue haze), I usually go back over it with eyeliner.  Once that's done and I know the lashes are secure, I'll curl them up with mascara.  I then paint in my brows, I think thickening this up makes them pop and look more feminine.  Final step is of course lip liner, lipstick, and lately I've been adding lipgloss to make them pop.

So of course now realizing it was 8pm, and I had to be in bed in about 3 hours for work the next day, I realized how much work I just did for very little reward.  I didn't even bother with putting nails on, but I did wear my swing dress, heels, hosiery, pair of hoop earrings.  I figured I should try to take advantage of the situation and at least take some photos.  I posted some on fetlife, and though I got a few likes, no real comments.  Sorry for the thumbnail, but this blog is public.  I don't mind posting larger photos on fetlife because it's a more closed community (as of right now new memberships are closed until they can catch up).
What's my take from this?
1. It sucks starting from ground zero.  I would imagine if I were living full-time and keeping up (not having to shave everything), this wouldn't be quite as daunting.
2. Makeup takes practice, but this is possibly the best job I've done thus far.  Makeup tutorials help too, after all I'm not a woman so I don't know what works and what doesn't.
3. It sucks going through all this work, and all I have are some photos (of which apparently not a whole lot of people care about).  I can empathize a little with how women feel spending so much time getting ready, only to have boyfriends not appreciate it, or people in public not even noticing.  I would empathize with my wife, but she almost NEVER wears makeup.  You might say I'm even more attacted to wearing makeup because she doesn't.  I didn't used to be this way, I actually hated the idea of makeup smearing onto me from a kiss.  Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing I hate more than having lipstick and not wanting to take a drink like I normally would in male mode because I don't want to get lipstick on my cup.

lots of shopping lately

So my swing dress arrived last week, and it fits a little tight, but in a good way:
https://www.amazon.com/Hi-girl-Classic-Dress-Rockabilly-5X-Large/dp/B01CQQH93G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1471908196&sr=8-1&keywords=polka+dot+swing+dress+plus


I also ordered a professional drag wig almost 2 weeks ago, but apparently these are made on demand (not stocked).  I got the auburn one on the right:
http://www.newattitudewigs.com/NirvanaRosie10012B28.html

I also ordered like 1,000 nails on ebay for $10 in various colors because it was 99 cents per 100, and free shipping if you spent $10:
http://www.ebay.com/itm/252474171026

And then my nail cutter just arrived today that was like $4 on ebay:
I'm starting to buy nails without adhesive because I found my own hack for applying your own temporary adhesive.  I blogged about it on my other site:
http://tgfictionmania.blogspot.com/2016/08/crossdressers-need-speed-and-easy.html

Most of the above are fairly inexpensive, I wouldn't normally buy this many things at once.  That plus I have a little side business that has filled my paypal account as of late.



Wednesday, August 17, 2016

living out of a box... literally

So I, like perhaps many, have kept my female garments in a cardboard box.. for a LOOOooong time (litereally since before I met my wife).  I'd say I've been crossdressing since about 1995?  Since I was living at home at the time, I kept my stuff in a box in the back of my closet (buried so nobody would be looking through it).  Part of me kept it this way to continue the anonymity I suppose (just in case snoopy guests came by).  I've gotten to the point where I have too many clothes to stuff into a box, at least 3-4 pairs of shoes, plus now I have some decent makeup (which is currently in a ziploc bag and also needs it's own case).  I have a bunch of jewelry (mostly earrings), I have 3-4 wigs (with a 5th on it's way which is a professional drag wig I don't want to just squash into a box and flatten).  In other words, it needs it's place to reside so I can have access to it all, like a normal woman.

Now while we live in a 3 bedroom house, and 2 of those rooms are not occupied, one closet is occupied by books, another by sewing material.  While we could probably clear one out, I just don't have the ambition, plus I'd still need a way to organize.  So portable closet to the rescue!  They are fairly inexpensive, provide great organization, and most of them have dust covers.  I opted to buy this one:
AMAZON CLOSET

I was going to go with something smaller, but it was only like $8 more to add an extra tier of shelving.  I figure I can keep some shoes on one side, and wigs on the other (I also need to order a few wig stands).  Some shelves can be used for earrings/makeup, skirts.  I can keep tops and dresses in the middle.  Because it's prime, it should get here by Friday.  It'll be so nice for my female side to finally have a space of it's own.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Couple shoe purchases

So I bought these shoes for my 50's outfit ($55 from whatever store):


Super cute right?  They are, but they fit super tight for my usual size 16.  I mean they're wearable, but good lord I don't know how long I can actually wear them (even around the house).  I'm going to try some stretching techniques to see if I can make some extra room so I haven't given up just yet.

So because those hurt my feet so bad, and I only seem to have 5" heels in my collection, I opted to pursue a comfortable pair of shoes.  Can't really find flats in size 16, but I did find these 1-1/2" heeled shoes.  Shoebuy actually has a LOT of large sized shoes at decent prices.  They wanted $29, but I found a coupon to get them down to $22 plus free shipping:
http://www.shoebuy.com/beacon-shoes-carrie-pump/785653/1679397?cm_vc=bn_searchresults_carou_loc1

They just arrived today and they fit great and are super comfortable (they're sort of stretchy).  I could see myself wearing these all night.




Wednesday, August 3, 2016

great makeup tutorial, but at what price?

So this popped up as a suggestion on youtube.. A drag race inspired makeover, which also includes a link to all the products she used:
http://www.nikkietutorials.com/site/2015/04/vintage-glam-prom-makeup-tutorial-%e2%88%99-rupaul-inspired/


Not going to lie, she looks great after applying makeup (looks very natural, but at the same time very coated like drag).  So then I thought "heck, I'm a pretty good painter, so long as I had good paint maybe I can look that pretty.  I especially like the multi-shade foundation which makes the blush pop".  Yea, then I started pricing everything out (keeping in mind these are online prices, not department marked up prices)

FACE

$27 Smashbox Primer Water
$30 Dior Glow Maximizer
$21 Kryolan TV Paint Stick “G191” (base)
$21 Kryolan TV Paint Stick “FS31” (contour)
$21 Kryolan TV Paint Stick “406” (highlight)
$18 Makeup Studio Translucent Powder #1


EYEBROWS

$21 Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz “Ash Blonde”
$21 Anastasia Beverly Hills Dipbrow Pomade “Taupe”
$21 tarte Colored Clay Tinted Brow Gel “Taupe”
$22 Anastasia Beverly Hills Clear Brow Gel
$20 Anastasia Beverly Hills Concealer #0.5

CHEEKS

$33 MAC Bronzing Powder “Give Me Sun”
$21 The Balm Powder Blush “Down Boy”
$7 Milani Baked Powder Blush “Luminoso”
$30 BECCA Shimmering Skin Perfector “Moonstone”

EYES

$22 MAC Paint Pot “Soft Ochre”
$12 Anastasia Beverly Hills Eyeshadow “Fawn”
$12 Anastasia Beverly Hills Eyeshadow “Smoke”
$12 Anastasia Beverly Hills Eyeshadow “Caramel”
$12 Anastasia Beverly Hills Eyeshadow “Gold Rush”
$14 Makeup Studio Shiny Effects “Golden Light”
$8 Jesse’s Girl Eye Dust “Starshine”
$15 Kat von D Tattoo Liner “Trooper”
$7 NYC Liquid Liner “Black”
$28 Makeup Studio Jewel Effects “Shine”
$22 MAC Glitter “Silver”
$4 NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil “Milk”
$28 Makeup Studio Waterproof 3D Extra Black Mascara
$12 House of Lashes False Lashes “Iconic”

LIPS

$17 Coloured Raine Liquid Lipstick “Vanity Raine”

Ready for your total?
$559!  That's right, to be that beautiful, it will cost you morning starbucks for about 1/3 of a year.  I have multiple problems with this list:
1. I realize higher end brands typically work better, but do we really have to go all out?
2. Anything that says "makeup studio" seems to only be sold in Britain, and is expensive.
3. I think there's some overboard color choices here.
4. Most importantly, who has this much makeup?  I would be so worried about it going bad.  I'm guessing she's either well off, she only buys makeup with youtube money, or companies are sending her free samples to do makeup tutorials like this one.

If you stumble across any great makeup tutorials on a budget, please post a link to it.  I did find this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzHz1qN1byQ
although I probably wouldn't buy all the products shown (I just placed an order on amazon for natural eyeshadows, mascara, and an eyebrow pencil), some of the bases like the foundation, the powder, the highlighter, and the foundation sponge are things I might consider picking up.