Friday, January 13, 2017

easing back into crossdressing

So while normally I go from one extreme to the other, for some reason I don't feel like going through the work of getting dressed up.  It could be because I've been on a self pleasuring binge this week.  So right now I'm just wearing a wig and some low comfortable heels.  I tried to wear my uncomfortable (but cute heels), and I lasted maybe 3 minutes before they felt like hell.

I figure if I don't at least try wearing a couple items, I'll just never do it at all, and I know that won't make me happy.  We'll see if I can keep it up.

Friday, December 30, 2016

manicure dream this morning

After letting my dogs out and going back to sleep, I had a dream that I was at some sort of beauty seminar, but instead of a hotel or conference building it was all in the rafters of some building, and you had to balance along the beams and climb through storage areas to get to each section.  The only section I went to was the manicure section, and the floors were covered in boxes and boxes of fake nails, and you could pick any you wanted and have a manicurist apply them for you.  I chose a box and it faded to me wearing them (skipped the whole process of getting them done).  I looked down and at first they appeared good, but then I noticed a few on my left hand had already fallen off, or chipped, then I noticed on my right hand on some of the fingers they had applied more than one set on top, as if to fix their mistake but didn't want take the old one off (and all of them were applied with tape, not glue).  I was so frustrated I ripped the rest off and felt like I had been scammed.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

frustration of living a double life

Beyond the fact that I can never fully live out my fantasy.. I really hate when I get messages on fetlife such as "Hey, wanna come suck my cock?".  As a man, I know that line doesn't work, unless you as a person have absolutely no morals.  As someone with a female persona on there, it's even grosser being on the receiving end.  I couldn't hit the delete key fast enough.  If that line works, I'd love to meet the person it works on.

Second thing that's annoying is when I see posts from women I know on facebook, and I feel like I can't comment.  Whether it's a product, or a makeup technique.. I have such a huge urge to just post something, but realize that more than 100 of my friends will also likely see that comment and start to make assumptions.

I haven't crossdressed in a really long time, and my wife even brought the subject up during our long christmas break, but we just got too wrapped up in projects that it just didn't happen.  I may try to make it happen this weekend.  I just know that if I really went all out, being away from it for so long it would be like a kid hugging a lost teddy bear.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

handjob fixation

I've been noticing lately that after I've done the deed (perhaps twice).. perhaps twice, then again in 12 hours (I'm empty, I'm sore, I've binged) that I'll still crave masturbation.  And because I can't fill that need, sometimes I find that my mind wanders into the fantasy of giving handjobs.  I'm not horny, but I want to stroke a cock.  I suppose it makes sense, orgasms release endorphins, so naturally my body starts craving it even if I can't provide.  It's sort of like when you've eaten, you're full.. and for some reason you get a craving to eat (usually sugar or salt), and you go "huh?  body, I'm full.. this is why you're fat!".  You can't blame your body, both sugar and salt are addictive additives.  So what do you do?  You could chew some food and spit it out (yuck), or do what many of us do, chew gum.  It satisfies that chewing without taking in calories.  If only there was a gum version of masterbating.

Monday, September 5, 2016

could LGBTQ be nature's way of balancing things?

So I finished up season 2 of "wayward pines", and the big impact with me is how they chose half the town's population that would be saved in the cryogenic tubes based on who was the most worthy and strong.  People left behind included the mother of the leader who was unable to bear children.  Another one left was the gay school boy because.. well he's gay, and he also won't procreate.

I get that aspect, you're trying to make the human race survive, so they need to maximize children to repopulate a world full of abbies that want us dead because they are the next generation.  Think about today, we live in a world where on average the population doubles every 38 years, and we are currently at 7.4 billion people (which is estimated to be 11 billion by 2100).  When you look at the stats for how many people in each country, it's amazing to think that more than 1/3 is the population of just China and India alone (USA ranks number 3 with just 324 million people).  Obviously the worry of over populating the earth is not having enough food for everyone.  Over-fishing, over-farming, injecting livestock with hormones to make them grow faster, putting out lower quality food as a result.  Nature always tries to balance itself.  If there are too many people, somehow by magic murders and diseases tend to go up.  One could argue that the gay community is nothing more than nature's way of reducing how many children we have (and perhaps, adopting orphans that would otherwise grow up and end up committing crimes from having a rough childhood that is unloved).  So while the homophobic community might have issues with our community, they should be grateful we are helping to balance the population.

Monday, August 22, 2016

crossdressed late night

So my wife's out of town.. Just before she left I got my portable closet from amazon.  Having clothes, shoes, and wigs spread out like they ought to be is quite nice.  It's crazy I dug through a cardboard box all these years.

Last night I crossdressed, but I started late because I had to time letting the dogs out.  Right now they are going outside in the front until I deal with a bug problem in the back (where I would normally go un-noticed being dressed up).  I started around 6pm, and didn't finish until 8 (yes, 2 hours).  I was actually shocked when I looked at the clock.  Dogs were sleeping on the couch the whole time, now in the dark when I got finished.

So I went upstairs, took a shower.  Started by shaving my legs with electric clippers (I prefer this method because it gets the bulk of hair), and depending on my mood I may follow up with a razor to get a closer shave.  Since I was wearing hose, I opted not to.  I then began to shave my arms, and then the razor started to sound like it was struggling so I opened it up, cleaned out the hair, and put it back together.  I then finished shaving my arms, hands a little closer shaved, shaved my chest, stomach, but opted for scissors around the pubic area.  Having a shaver that close scares me.. I can only imagine slipping and having a serious bleeding problem that could require medical attention.

I did decide to shave my chest and stomach so my top looked good.  I then threw on panties and a bra, and started on my makeup.  I start with foundation, and this time I used a couple different ones in layers.  I then powdered with a couple different colors, then I add blush.  Then I move up to the eyes, this time opting to start with white at the top, and charcoal on the lids, fading up on the sides a little.  I then move into gluing my fake lashes on which can sometimes take a couple tries.  If most of it sticks and only one side is curling up, I won't start over but instead opt to apply glue directly to my lid and push it down.  Even though the glue is clearish (leaves a blue haze), I usually go back over it with eyeliner.  Once that's done and I know the lashes are secure, I'll curl them up with mascara.  I then paint in my brows, I think thickening this up makes them pop and look more feminine.  Final step is of course lip liner, lipstick, and lately I've been adding lipgloss to make them pop.

So of course now realizing it was 8pm, and I had to be in bed in about 3 hours for work the next day, I realized how much work I just did for very little reward.  I didn't even bother with putting nails on, but I did wear my swing dress, heels, hosiery, pair of hoop earrings.  I figured I should try to take advantage of the situation and at least take some photos.  I posted some on fetlife, and though I got a few likes, no real comments.  Sorry for the thumbnail, but this blog is public.  I don't mind posting larger photos on fetlife because it's a more closed community (as of right now new memberships are closed until they can catch up).
What's my take from this?
1. It sucks starting from ground zero.  I would imagine if I were living full-time and keeping up (not having to shave everything), this wouldn't be quite as daunting.
2. Makeup takes practice, but this is possibly the best job I've done thus far.  Makeup tutorials help too, after all I'm not a woman so I don't know what works and what doesn't.
3. It sucks going through all this work, and all I have are some photos (of which apparently not a whole lot of people care about).  I can empathize a little with how women feel spending so much time getting ready, only to have boyfriends not appreciate it, or people in public not even noticing.  I would empathize with my wife, but she almost NEVER wears makeup.  You might say I'm even more attacted to wearing makeup because she doesn't.  I didn't used to be this way, I actually hated the idea of makeup smearing onto me from a kiss.  Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing I hate more than having lipstick and not wanting to take a drink like I normally would in male mode because I don't want to get lipstick on my cup.

lots of shopping lately

So my swing dress arrived last week, and it fits a little tight, but in a good way:
https://www.amazon.com/Hi-girl-Classic-Dress-Rockabilly-5X-Large/dp/B01CQQH93G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1471908196&sr=8-1&keywords=polka+dot+swing+dress+plus


I also ordered a professional drag wig almost 2 weeks ago, but apparently these are made on demand (not stocked).  I got the auburn one on the right:
http://www.newattitudewigs.com/NirvanaRosie10012B28.html

I also ordered like 1,000 nails on ebay for $10 in various colors because it was 99 cents per 100, and free shipping if you spent $10:
http://www.ebay.com/itm/252474171026

And then my nail cutter just arrived today that was like $4 on ebay:
I'm starting to buy nails without adhesive because I found my own hack for applying your own temporary adhesive.  I blogged about it on my other site:
http://tgfictionmania.blogspot.com/2016/08/crossdressers-need-speed-and-easy.html

Most of the above are fairly inexpensive, I wouldn't normally buy this many things at once.  That plus I have a little side business that has filled my paypal account as of late.