Thursday, February 21, 2019

It's Surprisingly Easy to Trick People With a Disguise - crossdressers too?

I visit gizmodo pretty much everyday.  it's transitioned from being strictly a gadget website to a more open forum.  Saw this article pop up today:

Sounds like it was fairly scientific, and basically it said just a hair style/color change and different makeup made people unrecognizable.  So it made me think if I was dressed up, would that mean nobody would recognize me?  It's sort of the reason why I don't care if my girl photos are up on fetlife.
A. I don't think anyone would recognize me
B. If they did, I would question why they were on that site

That doesn't mean I automatically pass, there's still the challenge of fitting in with other females and not sticking out, but I guess at least if someone does call you out on it, they won't be able to tell who you are at least.

Kids are still mean

So right on the heels (no pun intended) of pushing myself to want to go out in public dressed, I saw a facebook posting from my wife's ex-coworker who decided to do drag as a full time career a few years ago.  This was her post:

I was sitting in the front of our car in my sparkly pink and purple costume... And big blonde hair as l usually don't do but it had been a long day and while others wear a different uniform when they get off work mine happens to be a bit more flamboyant... Because of my line of work...Two younger kids at 1:30 in the morning happen to see me as a target to mock and make fun of. They threw a snowball at my car and called me a freak, they yelled things at me that became reminiscent of when l was 12 years old in school... Words like faggot and freak... I froze in disbelief and fear...
My husband immediately got out of the car and defended me and told them to leave me alone... The gas station staff also immediately defended me as well...
But that feeling of fear and less than a human immediately came back no matter who was defending me just couldn't stop that feeling....
I immediately burst into tears... You never know what is going to affect you the way it does.
They threw two more snowballs at my side of the car but they might as well been hot coals... As they yelled again "you fucking faggot freak!!"It was idiotic it was just snowballs and hurtful words... But it hurt my heart that this still happens....
Parents please teach your children respectful to all living human beings...I was just a simple man almost 40 Years old finishing my night of work... I didn't deserve to be treated so disrespectful.

Now granted, drag queens are over the top femme (and more recognizable as not fitting the norm), but still.  I can't imagine having an experience like that.  I do have reservations about the kids in my neighborhood.  I get along with like one of them, the rest are jerks like screaming at the top of their lungs, leaving trash everywhere (at one point one of them decided it was fun to smash a glass bottle in the street directly in front of my house) and the mother scolded him and felt embarrassed her son was a jerk.  I suppose if I do start dressing more to the point where I might be going outside my neighborhood, I just hope I'm not recognized and if I am, that they aren't mean like that situation.x

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

dipping in deeper

So I've been trying to be more active on fetlife, scope out local events.  Someone made a post about having a house party.. sounds like someone is traveling from southern illinois on business and rather than rent a hotel they decided to rent a house.  This sounded so ideal.  Not public, multiple crossdressers.  So I brought it up to my wife, which meant messaging her because I have such a difficult time speaking those words (but typing seems easier even though I know I'm going to have to talk about it anyway).  But once I sent out that message there was no turning back.  So she initially asks me "Why are you asking me if it's ok?", and in my mind I'm thinking she wants to know what's going to go on there.  I say it's for a couple reasons, one because it's just before a work trip she's leaving for.  But then I also say that there might be playing, which is code word for casual sex.  Now when I say sex, I don't mean penetration.  Don't know if I'll ever get to that point, but I have given a handjob and blowjob.  So then she wants to know more about this party, and I say it's on fetlife and they made a post and a bunch of others on the site replied about wanting to attend (who I also don't know).  Her concern isn't about what might go on, but that these are complete strangers and we live in a scary world (and for all I know this person hosting is really a LGBT murderer) which I can't really argue.  I told her I admit I have transgender blinders on and I'm glad we're having this conversation.  In her words "I don't care about your lifestyle, sounds like you're trying to embrace it more, but I want you to come home.. I don't want to have to explain to my family the reason you got murdered at some stranger's house".  So then I tell her about this other event that's public, and she's more ok with that.  In public you're less likely to have something happen, you can slowly build relationships with perhaps people that go regularly.  We actually used to go to these BBW dances, in one case we swung with another swinging couple.  She sort of compared it to that.  She asked if it was open to couples, which it is.  She asked if I wanted to go alone or with her coming.. and I said I wasn't sure.  And she asked why, and I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to go as male or female, but if it was female I would definitely want either her or a friend I've been chatting with on fetlife for support.  I'm absolutely frightened of going out in public dressed at this point (unless it's halloween).  I'd feel more normal if at least one person was there to support me (and I know she would, she gets extremely protective of me if I'm being attacked).  She then asked if she came with if I would want her in girl or butch mode, wanting to know which I'm more comfortable with.  I told her I probably wouldn't care either way, I'd be perfectly ok representing as a "lesbian".  When I'm dressed up I'm definitely in that female mind, but since I know I prefer being with another crossdresser as apposed to just some dude dressed as a dude I guess I'd favor her being more femme.  Only thing is, I know she prefers her tomboy lifestyle but I'm sure if it were for something special like this she would try to dress up more for me.

SO! I'm sort of glad I opened up this pandora's box because I know it's going to push me in the direction I want to be, and I know how she feels.  She's ok with me dressing in public, and playing with others (she's played with other guys/girls in the past), hence it's confirmed our relationship is still open.

Monday, February 18, 2019

tipping point

So I've become very comfortable in my pink pajamas, and wearing nails pretty much every weekend.  Often on the weekends we'll order food through doordash or grubhub.  The shock factor of having strangers see me in pink pajamas has sort of worn off (I mean it is pink plaid, so you could argue it's androgynous.. sort of).  This time my wife was on the phone, and the doorbell rang.  Well I didn't have my usual french manicured nails (which although are long, the color does sort of blend in with skintones).  Nope, this weekend I had on short but very vibrant nails:

It doesn't get much more girly than that.  So this is where I say I'm at my tipping point.  Is it worse to answer the door in pink pajamas and very girly nails (as a boy), or do I leave the wig on and hope I sort of pass as a girl.  I will say the delivery guy handed me the food much more gently than I'm used to, so either he thought maybe I was a girl, or he thought I was transgender and wasn't sure how to react.  I did use a very soft voice since my femme voice isn't that good yet.  Either way, it felt good to have that feeling of "hey, I just let a stranger see me dressed up".  Now although I had a slight 5 oclock shadow, it was night and I didn't turn on any extra lights so I'm guessing it wasn't very visible.

I feel like I have sort of a new adventurous side of me, wanting to push things further.  Since the silicone breast plate worked out so good, I decided to go ahead and order a butt/hip bottom tonight.  I really tried to make that "lovemybubbles" pads work, but they don't stay in place (nor do they really flare out much when you don't have much to start with).  I really want to focus on really trying to pass more, maybe even doing makeup every weekend (at least while it's still cold out and there aren't kids running around).  I'm starting to feel like if I don't express this side of me I'll regret it later.

Friday, February 1, 2019

absolutely addicted to nails

It's rare now that I go through a weekend without putting on nails (and taking them off sunday night).  I know this sounds wasteful, but when you shop around on ebay and get them for between $1-3 a set it's pocket change.  It might take 2-3 weeks for them to get here via slow mail, but so long as you keep a good stock of them it doesn't really matter how long it takes.  I have a seller I consistently buy 4 pairs of french nails at $1 each.

I'm REALLY digging the fit and design of these (just bought a few more sets):
I'm really starting to get good at typing with them, and other tasks during the weekend.  As with anything the more you practice the better you get (and the more normal it becomes).