Deepfake

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Petite is my most desired form

I'm sure I'm not alone in this.  If I had a choice of any female body type to be, it would be very short (which is the complete opposite of what I am now).  Could it be that much like super femme female is the complete opposite of a manly man?  Could it be that a small girl is thought of as weak or easily overpowered, and most men who are typically in charge fantasize about being submissive?

Reason I bring this up, there's a co-worker who is REALLY short and cute that occasionally stops by our department.  I don't know what nationality she is, perhaps spanish but if I could describe her imagine taking ariana grande (who's pretty short at 5 feet even), then making her even shorter.  Seriously like this girl can't be taller than 4' 4" tall.  So today I'm coming back from lunch, and she's walking to our front door at the exact same time.  I look at our reflection in the glass door and I can visually see how crazy different we are in height.  All I could think about is how badly I wanted to jump into her body.

Payless shoes = dysphoria, and not the good kind

So I've been a little frustrated with shoe buying this past year (male, not female).  Payless stores started closing, and I was paying between $30-$40 for shoes that don't last.  Now granted I'm a big person, and I don't have high expectations for shoes in that price range.  However, it's not like I'm working construction.  We are talking about dress shoes that see maybe 2-3k steps per day, and almost always the seam between the sole and the upper half starts to split, and no amount of glueing keeps them together.  So for the past maybe 9 months I've been buying my shoes on Amazon.  I figure if I'm going to pay that range, I might as well get a "little" better quality, and have them shipped directly to my house for free and pay minimal tax.  The first 2 pair worked out decently, maybe lasted a little longer.  Comfortable, about what I expected.  Well I tried a different pair this last time, and they fit like crap.  I assumed they just needed to break in, nope.  Month later I couldn't take it, I bought those Dr Schol's inserts, still hurt.  It's not the bottom of my feet but my toes.  Between getting pinched from the sides, and having too much space in the wrong areas (which means my toes are rubbing all day) it feels like knives stabbing my toes by the end of the day (I literally have red marks).  Wearing double socks sort of helps, but only marginally and I think it's ridiculous to go to that extreme.

So yesterday I look around my local grocery store, yea nope nothing past a size 13. Today I stop at a famous footwear, yea nope a few 13's, maybe one pair of 14's I'm not interested in.  So I bite my tongue and go back to payless.  First off, this store is incredibly cruel to someone like me.  I'd say easily 85% of the store is geared toward women, the men's shoes is like half of one side of an aisle.  They have a couple pairs that sort of fit, I end up going with what look more like a sneaker but they are ALL black so I'm hoping I can pull it off at work even though they aren't technically dress shoes.

Here's where I fall into a depression, a woman starts browsing around for shoes, and just happens to be looking around my section.  All I could think about in my mind is how lucky she is to have small feet and can literally buy a shoe based on what it looks like, not go "what shoes do you have my size in?".  And I'm talking about mens shoes, I'm not even talking about women's shoes.  Pheh, I'm lucky I can find women's shoes online in my size.