While I still enjoy the concept of MTF transition, it doesn't excite me like it used to. I'm still genderfluid but I feel like I'm trying to push myself to the next phase of my life. This past 3-day weekend I embraced it. Saturday morning I put on some french manicure nails and spent the day in boy mode, went grocery shopping (yes that sounds weird having nails in boy mode, but I'm pushing my boundaries to see if I get any reaction, which I didn't.. at least none that I noticed and I'm usually hyper sensitive when I do). Sunday and Monday I spent fully dressed up. Didn't do makeup, but sometimes I just don't feel the need to wear any if the clothing gives me that warm feeling I need. I have a local friend that came out as bi-sexual last October, and almost immediately after I sent him a message that I dress up to sort of form that bond of an ally. Then yesterday (since it was the first day of pride month) I decided to send him a couple photos of me dressed up, he was pretty impressed. I'm guessing if you look halfway decent (IE it clearly looks like you've been practicing and not just some dude that threw on a dress) that's typically the reaction I would expect. Going from very boy-mode to VERY girl mode.
Every time I dress up, I think about going outside. The issue I have mostly right now is nearly everything I have is dresses. I would not pass because sadly women just don't dress like this and I would stick out like a sore thumb. I'm still working on a more casual outfit that blends in, and working up the nerve to go out in public. I feel like I need to do it sooner than later because I'm not getting any younger, and it's only going to be more difficult the longer I wait. I doubt I'll ever transition, there are too many obstacles, but I can totally see playing both sides of the gender spectrum for the rest of my life.
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