And so it starts.. slowly

So I was walking through walmart for some groceries yesterday, decided to walk through the pharmacy section.  They did indeed have Saw Palmetto, 2 bottles for $8.

They did have black cohosh but I didn't grab it (good to know they stock it).  They didn't have Pueraria Mirifica either, so it looks like I'm going to have to order that online (GNC doesn't stock it either).  Been getting into crossdressing more, so much so that I've decided to create foam padding to give myself hips and a butt.  I used to own a pair of those foam padded panties (hips only), but I don't know what happened to it.  Besides it never did much to add noticeable shaping.  I bought 4 layers of 1" soft foam, cut the shapes, then chamfered the edges and smoothed it out to give it a round shape.  I glued the butt pieces onto an old pair of high tucking panties I usually wear, but the sides I have to tuck into hosiery because the panties have to stretch to make room.  I have to say, it makes a huge difference.  Between hips/butt, sucking my stomach in with a corset, and a bra it gives me such a more femminine figure.

Best orgasm without an orgasm?

Ok so I had a weird experience last Friday night.  So I was crossdressed, wife came home fairly late.  Watched TV until about midnight, both headed to bed.  I undressed, but kept my nails on.  While my wife fell asleep, I decided to play.  I stroked myself a little, then played with my nails, making sure I rubbed my nails against my skin so I was aware of them.  I got hard fairly quickly, and I just kept rubbing myself.  I got a little wet, but never felt like I could cum.  I could feel myself passing out in a half sleep for about half a minute, then the hornyness woke me back up and I continued on (almost like being in a hypnotic state).  At one point, I had my fingers bunched up in a vagina shape, and I was holding it still while I fucked my hand (but fantasized I was sticking a dildo in my vagina).  This probably went on for almost an hour, and it was so hot and I was so hard.  The next morning I woke up before my wife and decided to finish the session I had the night before, but there wasn't nearly as much excitement or stiffness.  It was almost as if I had an orgasm... without ejaculation?  It was probably the closest I've ever felt to having a female orgasm in my life.

As I'm writing this now, I'm fully dressed again (on a weekday) which is unusual for me.  My wife was a little surprised too and asked me why I decided to, and I just said "felt like it".  I figure if she's going to question me dressing when she's not home, why not reassure her by dressing while she is home.  I'm really starting to feel one of those pink waves, like I could see myself dressing every night this week sort of waves.

It's been a while

I always say when you can't remember the last time you crossdressed, it's been too long.  My wife is out with her friend tonight, so I thought to myself "I"m going to work on my favorite hobby while wearing heels".  Of course by the time I got upstairs to the bedroom, that quickly changed to "Well as long as I have everything dragged out of my box, I might as well pick out an outfit.  Granted I didn't go the makeup or fake nail route, I feel pretty good in my spandex black dress, hosiery, 5" heels wig, and fake glasses.  Yea, I bought some fake glasses off ebay probably 6 months ago, and I've been wavering on whether I like the concept of wearing glasses.  I mean I suppose I should be thankful I don't need glasses, but I do like the idea of changing the look of my face, and I also think it hides the face a bit which is always a plus.  In fact I think if I ever got the courage to dress outside of my house, I'd probably want to use glasses as a crutch.

Anyway, I just feel really good tonight, I'm doing what I like, and the clothes are making me feel wondrous.  In fact while I was working, I talked to myself in my female voice to practice, and after a while it started to feel natural, which also felt good.  On another subject,  I had a discussion with the person that runs the crossdreamers forum.  He suggested I try some herbal hormones to help calm me, specifically Pueraria Mirifica.  Now I had heard for years that herbs are useless, they don't contain anywhere near enough hormones to do anything (SNAKE OIL!) they say.  Well I've been reading up on it, and apparently this herb is the most potent out there.  Like if you took enough of it for 3-6 months, it would actually start reshaping your body.  Not quite as potent as prescribed medication, but the fact that it does anything is amazing.  I also read that Soy Isoflavones, Black Cohosh Root and Red Clover Blossom all have some estrogen properties (typically used by women over 40 for hot flashes)
So then I started looking up testosterone blockers.  The first on the list is Saw Palmetto, which apparently is actually a somewhat safe and recommended pill for men over 40 because it helps promote a healthy prostate.  See, I've been saying for years that testosterone is no good! :-)

So now I'm at a crossroads, do I experiment with this stuff?  It's all herbal, how bad can it be?  I'm also starting to strongly feel that mid-life crisis, and not the sports car kind.  I'm feeling like I'm on the tipping edge of aging, and if I don't experience this lifestyle now, I'll regret it.  I feel as though I should order this and have it shipped to work.  Not that I'm afraid to tell my wife, but I just don't think she could every understand how I feel in my body, plus she worries.  A LOT!  Like, I've gotten into the habit of telling her everyday when I'm on my way home from work because she worries about me getting into a car accident.  Like she's told me that if I ever died, she wouldn't know what to do with herself.