So I rarely have episodes like this (maybe twice before in my whole life), but the other night I had a bad attack. This isn't like "Oh I really want to crossdress, or I'm really horny I should go read some tgfiction and go into my womanhead space". No, this is a true panic attack. It was a usual work week night, wife usually goes to bed before I do. Perhaps if I had access to my clothes I could have prevented this. I was looking through ebay through random stuff (nails and jewelry mostly), and the feeling washed over me. For those that have experienced it I probably don't need to tell you how it feels. For everyone else, best I can describe it is feeling like someone is holding you hostage with a gun in your face. You feel massive anxiety that you can't run away from. It was so strong I actually curled up into a ball and held my legs, and almost cried. While some might say this is a cry for transitioning, no.. This might be what transgender people feel all the time, this is a rare occasion for me and not strong enough to push me over the edge by a long shot. Still, moments like this are pretty painful, and you just do the best you can to cope with it until it subsides.
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