New goal - create a passing look

So I'm on this mission lately to put together an outfit where I pass.  Crazy right?  So all my crossdressing life, I've taken the same path that nearly everyone else does.  Buy all the sexy outfits that make you stick out like a sore thumb, that most wouldn't be caught dead outside in (but have fun wearing it inside).  So I don't know if I'll ever drum up the courage to REALLY go outside, but here's my thinking.  We're still in a pandemic, probably will be for another year.  What better time to try it?  The mask covers half your face, if someone questions your gender, you can tell them 6 foot social distance.  Also you're wearing a mask, everyone is pretty muffled so that buys you some tolerance.  So of course I ordered a set of feminine masks (one pink, one floral, one white with black polka dots).

In general I'm trying to find clothes that most women would wear (not sky high heels, women rarely wear heels these days).  I found a pair of chunky boots, and although they fit the toe is so pointy that they hurt after wearing them for like 10 minutes.  It's not my imagination, my toes are literally red afterwards.  So in order to try to make them work, I bought shoe stretchers on ebay for like $15.  Supposedly if you soak the shoe in alcohol and let them sit with a stretcher you can gain a whole shoe size.  Well I'm not looking to make them bigger, but I would like to try to stretch the toe sideways a little (and this stretcher only expands sideways).  I have a couple other pairs of boots on the way from aliexpress but these are the first ones.

So I also bought breast forms, and they feel good (and look decent inside a bra).  I just can't take the fake breast plate anymore.  It's hot, the cotton filling doesn't have any weight, it just looks so plastic barbie fake.

Clothes: So I haven't really bought much yet, still trying to figure out my look.  My wife has been losing a lot of weight (as I have too) so she's been purging clothes left and right.  Well there was one cute dress I decided to keep that's a floral green skirt, and then a crossover blouse (all one piece) and it fits really well.

Hair: so although I do have about 3 wigs, I really wanted to get something that wasn't red drag hair, or "point the arrow at my head I have blonde curls" hair.  So I found a wig that had good reviews, looked like it would look good on me.  It just came today and I gotta say I'm really happy with it.  It's the copper (which is dark red highlights) which apparently is now also sold out here:

https://jennybtysupply.com/collections/synthetic-lace-wigs/products/mayde-beauty-synthetic-invisible-5-lace-part-wig-jayde?variant=32185340756028

I think any one color wig sticks out really bad.  I think unless your wig has shades (ombre) it doesn't look natural.

So one last thing I ordered is this:

I know what you're saying, how the heck are you going to wear that? So I really considered getting one that had straps to attach it but hear me out.  If I get one that has straps, I'll have to take it off everytime I poop.  And I've worn similar devices (where you're forcing pee through a vagina hole) and because you have to push harder (because you aren't used to restrictive flow) you tend to push out poop more often than you did before.  I'm hoping I can use some medical adhesive or liquid latex to literally attach it in the morning, and sort of faux live as woman all day forcing myself to pee sitting down.

I have no idea where this is going to go, but I feel like I need to try something.  Been trying to at least dress up every other day after work.  I usually help my wife with the cooking, so it sorta fits in with the role.  

dream - estrogen

 So I just woke up and vividly remember a dream where I had obtained a whole bottle of estrogen pills.  As with most dreams, the details can get fuzzy (especially the longer you wait to write it down), but I'm pretty sure I had obtained them without seeing a doctor and getting a blood test.  In the dream I was doing errands, shopping at the grocery store at one point.  I kept thinking about those pills in my pocket, telling myself over and over "just take one, what's one going to hurt?"  Finally at one point I took a pill, and it was like a flood over my body (results exaggerated for my dream).  My entire thought process changed, I looked at my reflection and immediately noticed changes to my face and body.  I felt calm and normal for the first time in my life.  It felt so vivid and strong that it woke me up.. And then I felt a strong boner down there.

So what does this dream really mean?  What's the connection of being aroused?  Was I getting aroused because of my typical crossdreamer mind of "ooh I'm turning into a girl, this is hot"?  Or was I getting aroused in the way that I'm finally getting something I've been wanting for a long time, like when you save up for a sports car and the day finally comes to go to the dealer to buy it and you get aroused when you finally take that test drive because it's become real?

new breast forms

So I decided to buy a pair breastforms.  They were really cheap ($30 on ebay).  They aren't super realistic (they have that baggie wrinkle) which kills any chance of me showing cleavage.  So right off the bat I was kinda disappointed.

So if I have a semi-realistic breast plate, why did I decide to buy these?  Well I stuck them in a bra, and they fill it really nicely.  They weren't overly big (just the right size at a C cup, or 400g per boob).  They have that nice weight to them that my cotton filled breast plate doesn't have.  I don't have to worry about these tearing because I don't squeeze into them, they just slide into a bra.  More than any reason, these have a nice protective plastic layer separating my skin from the silicone.  I DO worry about some sort of chemical leaching into my skin and giving me cancer later.  I mean these things are all made in china and there surely aren't standards to health there.  To top all that off, these are certainly easier to put on (not struggle with sliding a tight shirt over my head).  They won't make me hot (wrapping your upper torso in silicone can get REALLY hot).  There's been times I only had my breast plate on for a few hours, and I have red marks on the back of my neck from the heat.  There's also a part of me that says "hun, you're in your mid 40's, are you honestly going to go out in public showing cleavage?  Fill your bra and call it a day".  Also my breast plate isn't fooling anyone.  There's always a line between breast plate and real skin, and those tones don't match.  Yea I suppose I could spend a lot of time with makeup to blend the line, but even then you have to wear a really thick necklace to hide the transition (and make sure it stays in place).  I would actually feel way less subconscious with just some forms inside of a bra (so long as my chest is shaved of course).

morning twilight snooze dream - dressed up

 So lately in the mornings we've been waking up at 5:30am.  My wife goes into her office at 6am, but I find myself half falling asleep not wanting to get up.  I usually have odd dreams (that of course feel way longer than the length I was asleep).  This morning's dream I was with my wife and a group of friends.  We were all getting ready for something, and I asked how I should dress.  My wife is like "just wear something nice".  The guys all tossed on sloppy t-shirts and jeans, and I found myself dressing.. well the best way to describe it is dorothy from golden girls (but I didn't feel like I was old).  I was wearing a pair of black female slacks, and then my top was a colorful blouse with an even more colorful vest (red purple and pink sequins), and thick hoop earrings.  When I was done getting dressed, we all started doing exercise in the kitchen, and as I raised my hands I could see that I had very nice manicured long red nails.  My biggest take away from it was how comforting it not only felt to dress up, but that not a single eyebrow raised that I chose to dress female.

TG dreams - 2 nights in a row

This pandemic is making me have bizzarre dreams, but sometimes those dreams are nice.

Dream One: I was completely dressed up and on a date.  My date had no idea I was trans.  Then we ended up going by my work (which wasn't actually my work) but there was an issue with some paperwork.  My work didn't know I was trans so I had to use my male voice to explain to my co-workers what was wrong so they knew it was me.  It was at that point my date bailed, and I was like "really? that's what turned you off?"

Dream Two: I was hanging out with friends at the white house, and the dream implied that I was the first lady (but I knew I wasn't a woman) which made it weirder.  I was dressed as myself, but I found myself keep wanting to explore the wardrobe.  When I finally did, my friends started to leave.  The dressing room was gigantic with the most incredible dresses, shoes, and jewelry.  Over and over I kept questioning if I could dress up and pull this off.

short TG dream last night / coronavirus masks

So I dreamt last night that I was sitting in a lazy-boy chair in a living room.  I was aware there were other people in the room but don't remember who they were.  Some woman was wanting to test some lipstick, and she scanned the room, and walked over to me (I'm guessing because I had the fullest lips).  I let her do it without questioning it whatsoever.  She walked away, and then suddenly in the dream I was walking to some appointment.  There was lots of stone and stairways, and I felt subconscious about walking around as a dude with lipstick on.  I saw a group of people coming so I hid behind a wall and starting looking at youtube videos on my phone.  As a group of girls passed by, one turned towards me and asks "What's your name?".  I wasn't sure if she was curious who I was, or if she did that on purpose to out me.  As I began to speak, two things went through my mind.

1. I hadn't practiced a female voice

2. I couldn't come up with one of my female persona names

So I ended up just sort of letting out a "baaa guhhh", and then she turned away and continued walking along.

So this brings up my next point.  We've been in isolation for about 6 weeks, and I've been wearing a mask in public for probably the past 3-4 weeks for my own safety and others (but it's been mandated as of the beginning of the month).  This was brought up on fetlife (not like I haven't had this thought myself).  With the 6-foot rule, plus everyone wearing masks (and everyone generally trying to avoid each other), and the likeliness of being confronted is VERY low, it would seem that right now is a perfect time to try crossdressing in public.  You're 6 feet from everyone, half your face is covered (so not only are you not recognizable but you're covering the part of your body that's likely the least female), plus with a mask your speech is going to tend to be muffled so even speaking is sort of helped by this).  I almost feel like if I don't take advantage of this time I'm missing out.